Baby Update

This is for those who never hear about my pregnancy. I try not to be obnoxious about it. So here's your baby update.

I'm 27 weeks now, nearing the end of my second trimester. I can feel Baby Girl kicking throughout the day. I must admit, at first, I wasn't sure if I liked the feeling. It was alien and intrusive. There were just organs in my body and now there was a human being, poking me from the inside. While the miracle of life certainly beautiful and I'm very thankful for it, let's not pretend that it isn't weird.

But now, I find it comforting. I've gotten used to it, and it reminds me that she's okay in there.

Some of my friends who don't have children yet might wonder what this feels like. I will tell you. It isn't like people told me: little ticklings from the inside, magical little bumps, like baby unicorns prancing in your uterus... okay maybe nobody explained it that way, but they do explain it with that postpartum fondness that somehow erases all things bizarre, uncomfortable, or gross about pregnancy.

I vowed to never have postpartum rose-colored glasses, but it's already started. I do remember feeling gross all the time for about a month or so in my first trimester... but I don't really remember how bad it was. That's God's grace, I'm sure. And it must be the same grace that puts those rose-colored glasses on after childbirth, too. But I digress.

Baby kicks. They feel like that horrifying gurgling that happens in your gut shortly before you spend some quality time in the bathroom. I'm sorry if that's totally crass, but that's really what it feels like a lot of the time, at least until the baby gets bigger. That's probably why women often mistake the feeling for gas at the beginning. When they get a little bigger, well-- it feels exactly like what you'd think it would feel like if something the size of a head of lettuce with elbows and feet were squirming around inside your belly.

I just started seeing her move from the outside of my belly, and that's even weirder. Thankfully (and this may be the only time I've preceded a statement about my fat with the word "thankfully") I have layers of padding to hopefully prevent this:

{source}

*shudder.*

That's really all that's happening on the baby front right now. I'm still sleeping okay, but I find myself very hungry, very often.

And I find that the belly rubbing I used to make fun of all the time is something I do now. It's instinctive. Besides the fact that my belly kind of itches, it's the closest I can come to giving physical affection to Baby Girl, and it also shows others that there's a baby in there and it's not just fat. Don't judge me.

I've got plans for the nursery, but there isn't much I can do at the moment without extra time and extra help. Fortunately, my parents and brother will be here next week and there will be a flurry of activity! Stay tuned for pictures when it's all done.

And stay tuned, because this is my last week in my twenties. I'm pretty sure I'll have to write about entering my thirties. I'll need the therapeutic outlet.


xoxo, A

A Valentine's Day Confession

I find today to be an appropriate day to talk about what I've been learning recently.

I'm about to get brutally honest.

I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife. I mean, on the surface, I'm a good wife. I am always available for my husband, I cook and clean for him, I make him lunch, complete with a nice note, we talk together and laugh together, and I truly love him.

But I have been given a real (and necessary) kick in the pants.

Some day I plan to write a book about expectations and how they are at the root of relationship issues. And it's true. I found out that I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife when I thought my expectations had not been met. Let me explain. My husband is a great husband. He is godly, faithful, caring, loving, often thoughtful, and likes to spend time with me. But somewhere, somehow, I got the idea that my husband was supposed to act a certain way if he was going to really show love to me. It's true, I feel love differently than he does, and he knows that. But in reality, if my husband is following I Cor. 13, that's real, true love. And most of the time, my husband does this.

But I didn't see it that way. I was struggling. Our relationship was never in peril, but I was allowing myself to feel hurt by the unmet expectations I had. I knew something had to change. I didn't think it would have to be me, because after all, I selflessly served my husband, day in and day out. How could it be me that had to change?

Then I read The Fruitful Wife by Hayley DiMarco. Consider my butt kicked. Actually, I haven't finished it-- I'm about halfway through, and my butt is thoroughly kicked. What she shares is nothing new, but I can relate so completely to her and her experience. She was an independent woman who got married later, and she likes to be in control and argue until people realize that she is right. She explains how the tension in her marriage was simply from a lack of fruit of the Spirit.

Wow. Imagine my surprise that the hurt I was feeling was a direct result of my own lacking, trusting relationship with the Lord, NOT my husband's lack of love. Imagine my surprise that I was not exhibiting real love, joy, peace, patience, etc.

What impacted me most was her point that we are to have the fruit of the Spirit not for our own satisfaction or to help us have a "happy" life, but rather for God's glory, and the good of others (which brings God glory as well). I need to love my husband regardless of if I feel loved in return because that is glorifying to God. I need to have joy in all circumstances because that is honoring to God. And so on.

This is elementary. But somehow, it seemed so new and fresh and just what I needed to hear.

So on this Valentine's Day, a day of expectation, I encourage you to love those around you-- husbands, fiances, boyfriends, friends, parents-- without expectation. Because if we trust our God, we know we have everything we need (including emotionally), and don't need to depend on what others do for us. Love them because God loves you. Love them because that's honoring to God.

And read this book! It's changing my perspective and improving my marriage. Maybe you'll like it, too!

Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo, A