Three.

Today is our anniversary. We are celebrating three years of marriage! Three years. That's just a drop in the bucket of the years we hope to have together, or compared to the number of years most others are celebrating. But here's what I think:

I think marriage is hard, so every year a couple chooses to love each other and keep the covenant they made before God, ought to be celebrated. I mean, you only have to be married to someone for a short while before you realize that it is both difficult and wonderful. And if you are married and haven't experienced the difficult part yet, then you either married a perfect person, you are a perfect person, or you're internalizing something. Hahaha!

Our marriage, by the grace of God, is good, solid, and a blessing to both of us. Every day requires the choice to die to self and love the other person regardless of anything else. I fail daily to do that all day long. But thankfully every day also requires forgiveness. Every day with my husband is an unexpected treat in some way; usually he will bring laughter to my day in a way I never expected.

He's the man who makes me burst out laughing in IKEA. He's the man who makes me shake my head at his antics. He's the man who makes my heart melt when I watch him play with our daughter. He's the man I love to serve because he works so hard. He's the man of whom I'm so proud when he teaches God's Word. This man is my husband, my best friend, and my biggest blessing, and I'm so thankful for the three years we've had together and all that's been packed into those years.

I will love every day that God grants us together.

I love you, Mike.

And now, here are some of my very favorite photos from my very favorite day ever (there are many!):

This was a special moment with Mom, before getting dressed. I'd had a lovely time with my besties that morning!

This was our "first look." It was so sweet.

 I loved having my besties by my side, and I loved the cozy feel of our wedding!

 Oh, I love the friends who stood up in our wedding! haha

This is my favorite portrait shot from our photo shoot in downtown Safety Harbor.

I am thankful that we were able to have such a worshipful ceremony. God brought us together. To God be the glory!

 I feel like this perfectly captures our joy and emotion! 

 Our Publix cake had toppled over mid-transit! I found it hilarious! haha

 I'm sad this turned out blurry, but this was during our first dance, to "Love Never Fails" by Brandon Heath.

We had all the fathers and daughters come out for the father-daughter dance, and it was so sweet. This was a special moment. We also had all the mothers and sons come out for the mother-son dance. What was extra special to me was seeing all the families that had attended our wedding. LOTS of fathers and daughters and mothers and sons. 

 I love everyone on this dance floor! This was captured when I almost fell over, going low. haha!

 We may not have eaten much (sorry, Mike), but boy, did we dance! I've never had so much fun- especially with photo booth props!

 I couldn't have asked for a better reception venue. It was cozy, elegant, and everyone ate so much they almost popped (well, except for us. So we go back every anniversary, just to make up for it!)!

xoxo, A

A Valentine's Day Confession

I find today to be an appropriate day to talk about what I've been learning recently.

I'm about to get brutally honest.

I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife. I mean, on the surface, I'm a good wife. I am always available for my husband, I cook and clean for him, I make him lunch, complete with a nice note, we talk together and laugh together, and I truly love him.

But I have been given a real (and necessary) kick in the pants.

Some day I plan to write a book about expectations and how they are at the root of relationship issues. And it's true. I found out that I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife when I thought my expectations had not been met. Let me explain. My husband is a great husband. He is godly, faithful, caring, loving, often thoughtful, and likes to spend time with me. But somewhere, somehow, I got the idea that my husband was supposed to act a certain way if he was going to really show love to me. It's true, I feel love differently than he does, and he knows that. But in reality, if my husband is following I Cor. 13, that's real, true love. And most of the time, my husband does this.

But I didn't see it that way. I was struggling. Our relationship was never in peril, but I was allowing myself to feel hurt by the unmet expectations I had. I knew something had to change. I didn't think it would have to be me, because after all, I selflessly served my husband, day in and day out. How could it be me that had to change?

Then I read The Fruitful Wife by Hayley DiMarco. Consider my butt kicked. Actually, I haven't finished it-- I'm about halfway through, and my butt is thoroughly kicked. What she shares is nothing new, but I can relate so completely to her and her experience. She was an independent woman who got married later, and she likes to be in control and argue until people realize that she is right. She explains how the tension in her marriage was simply from a lack of fruit of the Spirit.

Wow. Imagine my surprise that the hurt I was feeling was a direct result of my own lacking, trusting relationship with the Lord, NOT my husband's lack of love. Imagine my surprise that I was not exhibiting real love, joy, peace, patience, etc.

What impacted me most was her point that we are to have the fruit of the Spirit not for our own satisfaction or to help us have a "happy" life, but rather for God's glory, and the good of others (which brings God glory as well). I need to love my husband regardless of if I feel loved in return because that is glorifying to God. I need to have joy in all circumstances because that is honoring to God. And so on.

This is elementary. But somehow, it seemed so new and fresh and just what I needed to hear.

So on this Valentine's Day, a day of expectation, I encourage you to love those around you-- husbands, fiances, boyfriends, friends, parents-- without expectation. Because if we trust our God, we know we have everything we need (including emotionally), and don't need to depend on what others do for us. Love them because God loves you. Love them because that's honoring to God.

And read this book! It's changing my perspective and improving my marriage. Maybe you'll like it, too!

Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo, A

Soul-Sticking Music

Have you ever felt an instant connection to a song? You maybe catch a bit of it on the radio and after just a few bars, your heart quickens and you know you're going to love this song so much that it will instantly become part of your "forever playlist." Everyone has one, even if it's only in your head. What's on yours?

Mine has things like "You Are the Sunshine of My Life," by Stevie Wonder, "And I Love Her," by the Beatles, "Somewhere Only We Know," by Keane, and many more. What's on your list? Songs like that will always be among my favorites, and sometimes I add songs after the first taste.

That happened on Monday. I was leaving work to pick up my dog (yeah, Lucia gets dog-sat by my mother-in-law. If you had a puppy and lived in an apartment, you'd understand) and realized I was listening to a song I'd never heard before. After mere seconds, I literally whispered "wow," and knew I was going to love this song forever. It was a combination of the actual music, the voices, the lyrics, and mostly the harmony (I'm such a sucker for great harmony!). I immediately texted (at a stop light, folks!) Bestie. She had to hear this song. After all, the two of us worked on the harmony for a Les Mis song for hours years ago until we got it just right. Turns out I'm way behind the times. She and Bestie Jr. had been enjoying the song for a while now. Guess I should get Spotify? How do you discover new music? I don't discover new tunes until they show up on the radio or I get a free song on iTunes.

What is it about music that makes it just stick to your soul? Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's only the case if you're a music person. But I believe music uniquely connects to the soul, as much art does, but unlike modern media or anything like that. Music is special.

What is this song, you ask? It's "Just Give Me a Reason," from Pink's new album, featuring Nate Ruess. It's clean, and it feels very real. It seems like a relationship in which the woman fears problems and needs reassuring, and the man thinks everything is fine, and they're going to make it. I love how real it seems, and the emotion in their voices. Beautiful. Listen to it here. Enjoy and tell me what you think!

xoxo, A

A Year and Some Change...

By "change," I mean a couple of weeks... not a major life change. Though I'll be honest. I think Mike and I are ready for a couple life changes: namely, a house and a baby. But we're waiting, which seems to be what we do in life, isn't it? Wait? That could be why my life verse (acquired while waiting for a husband) is Psalm 27:13-14.

But a couple weeks ago, Mike and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. It's crazy to think an entire year has passed since we stood before our families, our friends, and the Lord and promised ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. What a precious day that was. In fact, it was my most favorite day ever. You can read about it here.
It's been a wild ride. We survived and enjoyed every holiday, every awful Monday, and lots of little struggles and joys in between. 

So for our anniversary, Mike got us a room at the same hotel where we spent our wedding night-- the Intercontinental, in Tampa. It's a great hotel, and we got a free upgrade to a junior suite. Let's just say that's a little better than our room on our wedding night-- it was an adjoining room with a loud gaggle of girls next door. Hahahaha! Not this time!

Glass elevators... we are easily amused.

This is an attempted panorama of much of our room. That black part in the middle is the partial wall between the living and bedroom area. The windows spanned the whole wall.

Because of our anniversary, we got a free buffet breakfast at Shula's, and they made my my very own special omelet. Why is Mike smiling so, you might ask? Because he spotted Frank from "American Pickers," also enjoying the buffet.  We were going to say hello after he finished eating, but a couple of people finally recognized him and we didn't want to be obnoxious. Instead, Mike made this face. What a cutie.

See? There he is. I know, I know-- you can't see his face. This is all Mike would let me do. He was chatting with the concierge. Nice guy.

We walked across the street to enjoy some shopping. And weird posing with gelato that was under par.

Mike also made a reservation at the same place we had our reception: Maggiano's-- also conveniently located across the street from the hotel. 

We may or may not have gorged ourselves on fried mozzarella, 4-cheese ravioli in a pesto cream sauce, and some kind of way-too-rich peanut butter chocolate dessert. This event in our anniversary weekend was very important, since Mike hasn't let me forget that at our reception, we didn't get to eat anything because we were either dancing or taking pictures. I argue that we did eat this ravioli... hours later, in our hotel room, without silverware, holding them like Hot Pockets.

Our waiter brought us something to toast with-- some non-alcoholic peach thing, which was fantastic!

And now my favorite part: on the left, you have a piece of our wedding cake, preserved carefully by my mom, and kept in our freezer for a year. You know, it wasn't bad! Way to go, Publix! In the back are the toasting glasses my mother-in-law gave us. Then there's our toasting beverage of choice: sparkling white grape juice. I promise, we're both over 21. We just don't like the taste of alcohol! Under that is one of our anniversary presents to the other. Guess who this one is from? Instead of buying gifts, we decided that every year we would write each other a letter. I think that's a tradition I'll really enjoy.

On the day we had to leave, we wept. Not really, but boy was it nice to not have any responsibilities for a couple days! This was our sit and veg until late checkout day.

Our final meal: Chipotle. Can you think of any better way to end a fantastic anniversary weekend? I think not.

On year down, 50+ to go. Hahaha. But really, I'm so thankful to be married to Mike. He's my best friend and it's been a privilege to stand by his side, serve him, and watch him grow. I'll enjoy every year I get with him.  

xoxo, A

At This Time Last Year:

At this time last year, I was very nervous.  Not nervous because I wasn't sure if what I was about to do was right, but because you can't change your life forever and not be a little nervous.  On this day last year, I had a stupid meltdown at our rehearsal because we didn't have the music.  One meltdown for the whole wedding experience?  Pretty good, I'd say, considering it's me we're talking about here.  On this day last year, I sat in the car with my fiance and we prayed about what would happen the next day and for the rest of our lives.  On this day last year, I went to bed, surrounded by my best friends, and slept the sound sleep of one who knows God has led her to this man, this time, this occasion.

This day last year was the day before my wedding.  As much as I loved Mike then, little did I realize how much more I'd love him a year later.  Little did I know the struggles and the joys we'd encounter in our first year together.

This day last year was the eve of my very favorite day ever... to be reviewed tomorrow. :)

xoxo, A

Year One: a love note

I love how adorable he looks as he sleeps in the morning.

I love how he plays with our puppy.

I love that when he wants to show me he loves me, he puts away laundry and lights nice-smelling candles.

I love how he has become so mindful of being a good steward of our money, and how no matter what financial obstacles we encounter, the Lord still gets our firstfruits.

I love that he never complains about my cooking, even when I sneak in turkey bacon.

I love how much he seems to enjoy my baking.

I love his silliness and how I never quite know what he'll do or say next.

I love the feel of his stubble on my chin and my hands.

I love to hate how he just cannot seem to separate his dirty clothes into our three-bin hamper.

I love the little funny laugh sound he makes when he realizes he's being ridiculous.

I love that he can tackle any kind of computer problem and win.

I love how we are on the same wavelength most of the time.

Twelve things I love about my husband-- one thing for each month we've been married.

Twelve months.  One year.  My goodness, how it flies!!  This weekend we celebrate our first anniversary.  We're going to spend the weekend in Tampa, and I'm so excited.  We just got married and just went on our honeymoon, didn't we?  I've truly enjoyed being a newlywed.  Even in its challenges, it marriage is a wonderful, God-given gift, and I'm so thankful to have this blessing in my life.  It's a blessing I didn't think I'd see for a long time, but God is faithful and his timing is perfect.

And now I have the years before me to enjoy being married to my best friend and the one my soul loves.  Oh, we have plans and dreams, but for right now, I'm content to live in our little apartment with our puppy, paying off debt and working in ministry together.  What a great first year!  Here's to the next 50+!

More anniversary posts to come...


xoxo, A

My Best Christmas Gift.

Have you ever wanted something really badly?  Maybe at Christmastime as a child there was a toy you had to have.  When I was young, I had to have Puppy and Kitty Surprise.  Do you remember those?  It was a stuffed animal literally stuffed with an unknown number of puppies/kitties inside her velcroed tummy.  Kind of macabre, since the whole party would count as you pulled the babies out of her belly.

But do you know what I mean?  Wanting something so badly, you can feel it?  That yearning, that hope?  Maybe you wanted to go home so badly you could taste it.  Maybe you wanted to go on vacation more than anything.  Or maybe, like me, you wanted a husband.

I didn't just want any old husband, or just a male to hang around so I wouldn't be lonely.  More than anything, I wanted that one man who God had picked out just for me.  I wanted a husband who would be godly, funny, attractive, and my best friend.  At times, I wanted it so badly it hurt.  Other times, it seemed it would be something I always wanted but would never receive.

Then suddenly, I had it.  And I am so, so thankful.  My husband is the best gift (other than salvation) I've ever received, because I wanted it so badly and for so long.  He is my favorite Christmas gift this year, and probably forever.  Here are some reasons why:

He's learning how to act around children, and he does a great job with our niece.  He puts on a good show, but I know his insides melt like butter. 

He got all dolled up and married me.  He chose me, for some reason.  And he choked up when we read our vows.  That means a lot to me.

He loves many of the same things I love (here, America :) ).

He also loves many of the foods I love (here, Chipotle).

He's really cute, and does really cute things, not even on purpose.  I mean, look at him.

He lost 40 pounds.  I liked him with his extra 40 pounds, but he was so dedicated to getting healthy.  I'm proud of him.

He hams it up and is so handsome, too.  Observe my funny, handsome, husband.

He's a great travel companion.

He is just so adorable.  And he loves our puppy.

Thank you, God, for my favorite Christmas gift ever.

xoxo, A

A Change

On Tuesday, my life changed.  It's funny and also scary how just a split second can change everything.

You see that plus sign on the pee stick-- BAM.  Changed.  Didn't happen to me, though.
You get that acceptance letter to college-- BAM.  Changed.  That happened a long time ago.
You say "yes" and put that ring on your finger-- BAM.  Changed.  That already happened too.
The biopsy comes back positive for cancer-- BAM.  Changed.  Thank God that's not it.

I hadn't thought about how quickly life could change since I lived at home and my dad used to scare the crap out of me by saying things like, "one poor choice--you lose control of the car, you accidentally kill someone, and your life will never be the same.  Saying 'sorry' won't help."  That's not just me, right-- that's terrifying, isn't it?!!

That's probably why I say "I love you" before I leave or hang up with anyone I love.  I realize that in a moment, life could change.

And on Tuesday, my life changed.  It's not as dramatic as all that, but it's still pretty big in my life.

On Tuesday, I had picked up Lucia from my mother-in-law's house, as usual, and was heading home like every other Tuesday.  I must have driven that route literally 100 times.  But this time, as I was driving in the far left lane, a PT Cruiser with an elderly man inside decided to pull out and turn left from a parking lot on the right.  Instead of crossing three lanes of traffic and waiting in the median to cross the next three, he decided to pull into my lane and face me.  I was going 45 (the speed limit) and swerved into the median, slamming on my brakes.  It wasn't enough.  He smashed into my front right passenger side.  My airbags went off with a deafening POP, filling the car and my lungs with a horrible gun powder smell.

I could scarcely believe what had just happened, though I watched him slam into my car.  It was terrifying.  I was shaking and immediately started crying.  My mind was racing-- what do I do?  I have to call Mike.  And a tow truck.  What was his license plate in case he drives away?  Should I stay in here?  Fortunately, some amazing people pulled their cars into the median to help me.  Faith in humanity restored.  In fact, one young man I would have normally categorized as a "douchebag," knocked on my window.  I opened my door and he said, "You should probably get out." Still shaking, tears running down my face, I grabbed the dog, who I hoped wasn't deaf from the airbags, and my purse.  The dog peed AND pooped all over my skirt and shirt, and as I stood there for what felt like five minutes, just trying to remember how to find my husband's phone number on my phone, these Good Samaritans called 911 and helped keep me safe from the cars whizzing around me.  Some real jerks shouted out their windows, "You can't park there!"  Yeah, thanks buddy.  I like to park in the median and cry, with dog feces and urine on my clothes.  Cool.  It's OK-- Mr. Not-Douchebag gave him the finger.  Maybe he really was a douchebag with a good heart?

The firetruck came and a nice fireman cleaned the poop off Lucia's butt, and my finger, and I got the names and numbers of two kind people.  Well, I got their names and numbers after this girls dug around in my purse for the pen, since I had poo on my finger.  Their kindness really touched me.

I was finally able to walk to the side of the road, where I just sat, crying and shaking.  Still my mind raced.  Mike has work tonight!  How will he get dinner?  Will he be late?  What am I going to do?  How are we going to afford a new car?  

My mother-in-law came and hugged me.  She ordered me to sit down in the car and Hband is pretty sure she would have wrestled me if I hadn't listened to her.  Hband made it around the same time and I hugged him like I never wanted to leave him, because I didn't.  I was so scared.  

A report was filed, the old man was cited, and The Golden Bullet, my faithful car of many years, was towed. And like that, things were quiet again.  For those of you who have experienced an accident, this may be tame for you.  But for me, this was terrifying.  Because I realized that in that one second, life could have changed even more than it had.  God protected Lucia and me in a way I don't understand.  It was almost a head-on collision.  Lucia should have been hurt.  The airbag should have hit my face.  But she was fine, and I was fine-- just whiplash and a couple bruises.

But life still changed.  We went from owning two reliable, albiet old cars, to having to find a way to fit a car payment into our tight budget.  That is a big change for a couple who are desperately paying down debt and struggling month-to-month.  

But God proved his faithfulness once again.  I was alive.  Our dog was alive.  I didn't have to go to the hospital.  We would be fine.  God knew about this before I woke up in the morning.  Heck, he knew about it before I was born.  So he has a plan and will provide, and it will be good.

Meanwhile though, it's a real headache.  

But twice that night, Hband said, "I'm glad you're not dead."  To anyone else, that sounds caustic and harsh. To me, with a husband who's not very sappy, it meant a lot.  Even if I'd be happy to see Jesus, I'm glad I could spend the evening cuddling up to my husband and dog, watching "How I Met Your Mother."  

Life changed for me, but part of that change is remembering to savor every moment until it changes again.
xoxo, A