This is such a strange time. The waiting. The not knowing. The knowing it's going to happen, but when? But how? The only thing I can compare my feelings to right now, at 39.5 weeks pregnant, is my experiences with roller coasters.
I'm not a huge roller coaster fan in general. I have my favorites because I can trust them to not drop and leave my stomach feet above my head, or make me feel like I'm going to fall straight out of the car. I love Thunder Mountain Railroad at Disney. I trust it and it's a no-fail good time. I like Space Mountain, too, but that's a little scarier since it's in the dark.
But this is how I feel before getting on a new roller coaster that I haven't tried before: I have this nervousness, because I have no idea what's going to happen. As I sit in the car and it click-click-clicks up the hill towards the drop, I know that I can't make this ride stop. I have to follow through. The drop is inevitable-- imminent, even, and it will be both exhilarating and uncomfortable. I will survive this ride, I know in my head, and I may even get in line to get back on the ride once it's over. But while I approach the drop, my anxiety of the when, how, and how awful will it be is all I can actually feel.
And that's what it's like at 39.5 weeks pregnant. I can't get off the ride or make it stop. I have to follow through. But I don't know when or how "the drop" is going to happen, or how exhilarating or awful it will be. But I know I'll survive and I know I'll probaby do it again. Can you tap into the feeling you get waiting for the ride? Do you know what I mean?
It's very strange. I look for every clue that labor might begin. Acid Reflux? Here we go! Nausea? It's go time! And yet here I sit, typing, not in labor, just hoping in a nervous way that we'll get this party started.
Let's hope this is my last post before Little Miss Arbia arrives. And I'll let you know how the roller coaster went.