45 minutes ago, I posted a request for prayer to Facebook. 30 minutes ago, I had a meltdown on my couch.
I cried because I am burnt out. I cried because I wish my family and best friends lived nearby. I cried because I often feel very alone. I cried because I often feel like I'm not doing enough, well enough. Because I was supposed to be savoring these last months with Isabel before the baby comes and really I'm just waiting for bedtime each day. Because soon another baby will be here and not only will I not have any breaks in my day, but I won't sleep at night, either. Because Isabel is extremely strong-willed and prone to tantrums, and doesn't seem to respond to discipline. Because Isabel can't yet be reasoned with and can't tell me why she doesn't want to eat the food I give her. Because life is stressful right now with abundance of need and lack of resources.
These are the reasons I cried.
They are legitimate, but I know I'm not alone in these feelings, especially as a newish mom, or a pregnant mom. Even as I voiced them to my husband, a still, small voice reminded me of these things:
1. CEASE STRIVING AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Cease striving. Be at peace. Stop trying so hard. Rest in Him, soak up his Word, talk to Him, and let him handle it. He'll give me what I need. It is under control. My striving only tells Him I don't trust Him or I think I have something of worth to offer on my own. (Psalm 46:10)
2. MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. I'm weak. This is just another opportunity to let God's power shine in my insufficiency. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
3. HE HAS GIVEN ME ALL I NEED FOR LIFE AND GODLINESS. Including life with a strong-willed toddler who won't nap and a baby on the way. (2 Peter 1:3)
Praise Him. Praise Him for speaking to me when I needed it. Praise Him for giving me His Word and allowing it to sink into the recesses of my mind for such a time as this. Praise Him for allowing me the blessings of husband, children, home- with all the stress those things bring. Praise Him for giving me my heart's desire, all the while knowing it would be the thing that whittles me down and shapes me into (hopefully, one day) a woman who looks like Christ.
I have so much to learn. I want so badly to allow those words from God to preach to me before I have a meltdown on my couch. But as Paul said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So if ceasing striving means I let Isabel put stickers on the wood floors to keep her busy and occupied so I can have a few minutes to fold laundry, then I'll do that. If it means I lay on the floor for a bit because I'm tired, and let her climb on me and unfold the laundry I just folded, just to get some rest, then I'll do that. Because ultimately, God's the one who will change my daughter's wayward heart. He's the one who will use any good I do to influence her positively, and He's the one who will mend any harm I cause by my own sinfulness. He's got her days already planned. And mine- and my nights, too. He's got this baking bun's days planned as well, and already knows if she'll be a good sleeper or not (please God, let her be). So I can cease striving and rest in the knowledge that he is GOD. There's a lot in that name; enough to remind me of why I can be still.
But I still believe in the power of prayer. So do pray for me. Please pray that I am an example of a godly wife and mother, even in my human frailty and sinfulness. Please pray that I can find moments of physical and mental rest. Pray that I will not feel so alone. Pray that Isabel and I will savor our last 4 months together of just "us." Pray that God readies all of us for our new little one. And please pray that God continues to provide for our needs.
Wherever this finds you, I pray that you too will be able to cease striving and know that He is God. Or, in layman's terms, let "Jesus take the wheel." Hahaha.
xoxo,
A
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
10.01.2015
12.16.2014
You're a Good Mom
I've been silent for a while because life has been out of control!! Just when I was in a comfortable routine with Isabel, life changed. We packed up and moved out of our little condo, where we had made a home for the last year; where we had brought our baby home. We moved into a house for which we'd been praying for three years. I started watching a 1.5 month old cutie for four hours a day... he is now 3 months old! Life has gotten busy. And then of course, there's the fact that being a stay-at-home mom is really hard- way harder than I'd expected, but equally rewarding.
Since my last post, my child is now almost 7 months old! She has two teeth, loves food, is sitting well, and is showing signs of wanting to crawl. Where did the time go?!
In my silence, I've been able to ponder some issues that pertain to motherhood (and really life in general). One issue particularly twists my undies: the pseudo-expert, holier-than-thou mommies who shame other mommies. If there is one thing I've learned in seven months, it's what I've already stated: motherhood is hard. You would think that would cause women to band together and encourage one another in this journey. Rather, it's quite the opposite. If you don't do things the way these moms feel is best, you're a bad mom. Here are some examples:
If you put anything with fragrance on your baby's skin, you are giving them cancer.
If you work instead of stay at home, you're neglecting your child.
If you feed your child any purees or, heaven forbid, rice cereal before six months (even though most doctors say you can attempt at four), you will make your child obese/give them diabetes.
If you let your child cry in its crib, you will damage its brain (what do you do in the car when they cry? Just wondering...)
And my favorite: if your child isn't exclusively nursing from the breast, you are an inferior woman or mom.
I have heard or read every one of those listed.
I mean, there are some legitimate things that most would agree are best for baby. But most of what I listed have so many different factors involved that it is impossible to make blanket statements, and they are plain and simply none of our business anyway, and certainly not our responsibility to "correct."
I'm a mom who exclusively pumps. Isabel latched great from day one, but because of her size, I was told she needed to stop nursing in order to not lose weight (from burning calories). Because of that, Isabel got choosy about nursing. Since I could make enough breast milk, I decided I'd push myself to provide that for her for as long as I could.
There are some women who really look down on those who bottle feed, even if what they are feeding is pumped milk. Ridiculous. Who do you think you are, some kind earth mother goddess woman? No, you're not. You're a woman whose baby happened to be able to latch and suck correctly and whose milk supply has no issues. You're fortunate, is all. Anything more than that gives yourself way too much credit. The truth is, no matter how many times some moms consult a lactation consultant and drink fenugreek tea, breast feeding might not work for them. You know what's worse than not nursing? Being completely stressed out and frustrated with your child. The best advice I got regarding nursing was that my daughter needed a happy mom more than she needed to nurse. So I decided to exclusively pump. It is not easy. At all. You know what made it harder? Things like a La Leche article that told me that I had caused Isabel's breast aversion. How dare they. I mean really. How dare they?! I didn't need to read that garbage. What I did need was people validating that nursing is hard and not as natural as you'd think, and encouraging me that making this decision was better for my baby than forcing her to nurse.
And how about the moms who only feed, clothe, and bathe their child with organic materials? That's great that they can afford to do that. If I could, I would. But when they shame other moms who can't afford it, that is not appropriate. What that really says is "Because you're poor, you're an inferior mom." My child wears normal cotton clothes, bathes in Johnson & Johnson, wears disposable diapers, eats regular, pureed veggies and fruit, and gasp-- even some jarred stuff! Why? Because that's what I can afford. And you know what sticking to a budget makes me? A good mom.
So can we just stop shaming each other? Can we stop looking down our noses at moms who can't manage the "perfect" Pinterest life, or the moms who don't make the same decisions we do? Can we look at each other with a knowing glance and say, "Good job. You're a good mom. Your child is happy, healthy, clean, and well-adjusted. You're a good mom."
So I don't nurse, I can't afford anything organic, I sleep-trained my baby, I let my child occasionally watch the TV when it's on, and I stay at home instead of being the do-it-all-supermom. But I'm a good mom because my child loves me and loves life. She is healthy and strong, growing stronger. And chances are, you're a good mom too.
xoxo, A
Since my last post, my child is now almost 7 months old! She has two teeth, loves food, is sitting well, and is showing signs of wanting to crawl. Where did the time go?!
In my silence, I've been able to ponder some issues that pertain to motherhood (and really life in general). One issue particularly twists my undies: the pseudo-expert, holier-than-thou mommies who shame other mommies. If there is one thing I've learned in seven months, it's what I've already stated: motherhood is hard. You would think that would cause women to band together and encourage one another in this journey. Rather, it's quite the opposite. If you don't do things the way these moms feel is best, you're a bad mom. Here are some examples:
If you put anything with fragrance on your baby's skin, you are giving them cancer.
If you work instead of stay at home, you're neglecting your child.
If you feed your child any purees or, heaven forbid, rice cereal before six months (even though most doctors say you can attempt at four), you will make your child obese/give them diabetes.
If you let your child cry in its crib, you will damage its brain (what do you do in the car when they cry? Just wondering...)
And my favorite: if your child isn't exclusively nursing from the breast, you are an inferior woman or mom.
I have heard or read every one of those listed.
I mean, there are some legitimate things that most would agree are best for baby. But most of what I listed have so many different factors involved that it is impossible to make blanket statements, and they are plain and simply none of our business anyway, and certainly not our responsibility to "correct."
I'm a mom who exclusively pumps. Isabel latched great from day one, but because of her size, I was told she needed to stop nursing in order to not lose weight (from burning calories). Because of that, Isabel got choosy about nursing. Since I could make enough breast milk, I decided I'd push myself to provide that for her for as long as I could.
There are some women who really look down on those who bottle feed, even if what they are feeding is pumped milk. Ridiculous. Who do you think you are, some kind earth mother goddess woman? No, you're not. You're a woman whose baby happened to be able to latch and suck correctly and whose milk supply has no issues. You're fortunate, is all. Anything more than that gives yourself way too much credit. The truth is, no matter how many times some moms consult a lactation consultant and drink fenugreek tea, breast feeding might not work for them. You know what's worse than not nursing? Being completely stressed out and frustrated with your child. The best advice I got regarding nursing was that my daughter needed a happy mom more than she needed to nurse. So I decided to exclusively pump. It is not easy. At all. You know what made it harder? Things like a La Leche article that told me that I had caused Isabel's breast aversion. How dare they. I mean really. How dare they?! I didn't need to read that garbage. What I did need was people validating that nursing is hard and not as natural as you'd think, and encouraging me that making this decision was better for my baby than forcing her to nurse.
And how about the moms who only feed, clothe, and bathe their child with organic materials? That's great that they can afford to do that. If I could, I would. But when they shame other moms who can't afford it, that is not appropriate. What that really says is "Because you're poor, you're an inferior mom." My child wears normal cotton clothes, bathes in Johnson & Johnson, wears disposable diapers, eats regular, pureed veggies and fruit, and gasp-- even some jarred stuff! Why? Because that's what I can afford. And you know what sticking to a budget makes me? A good mom.
So can we just stop shaming each other? Can we stop looking down our noses at moms who can't manage the "perfect" Pinterest life, or the moms who don't make the same decisions we do? Can we look at each other with a knowing glance and say, "Good job. You're a good mom. Your child is happy, healthy, clean, and well-adjusted. You're a good mom."
So I don't nurse, I can't afford anything organic, I sleep-trained my baby, I let my child occasionally watch the TV when it's on, and I stay at home instead of being the do-it-all-supermom. But I'm a good mom because my child loves me and loves life. She is healthy and strong, growing stronger. And chances are, you're a good mom too.
xoxo, A
9.17.2014
What Makes it Worth it
When she stretches and makes squeaky noises.
Her soft, cool fingers on my hands and arms when she sleeps or feeds.
The fast little breaths she takes.
How she smiles and her eyes roll back when she's falling asleep.
Her big, bright eyes when she's alert.
The sound she makes while sucking the pacifier.
How her long eyelashes curl.
How her lips tremble just before a new round of paci sucking.
How soundly she sleeps cuddled on my chest.
Her vice grip on my fingers when she cries.
How she still balls herself up into the fetal position.
When she goes totally limp after a feeding.
Her crazy kicking legs when she's excited.
Her growing rolls.
These are the things that make the lack of sleep, the ill-fitting clothes, the unproductive days, and the udder on my chest worth it. Motherhood is really hard. But don't think for a moment that I've ever taken it for granted. All it takes is one of these things to remind me that it's all worth it.
Last week I did my first subbing stint since I was 23. It went well, especially because it was only half days. It did my heart a world of good, and not for the reason you might expect. Sure, it was nice to be teaching again, to be back in the world of humans who mostly don't poop their pants. But it made me more grateful than ever that I get to stay home with Isabel. Though our checkbook might scream for me to work more frequently, my heart whispers "Stay home. Spend the day with your daughter, even if all you accomplish is holding her in your arms." I missed her. I didn't want to miss one thing that happened to her those days. Coinciding with that reminder, I found these two things on Facebook last week, and both pulled at my heartstrings:
I've been pretty absent from blogging recently. I hope that will change, because I have a lot to say, and not all of it is baby-related. However, Isabel is worth my writing hiatus. So if I continue to be absent, that is why. She is my most important work, and this job is non-stop. And worth it.
xoxo, A
6.25.2014
What They Don't Tell You
There are just some things they don't tell you about motherhood, and just some things I didn't anticipate.
For example: though I knew we'd be feeding Isabel every three hours or so, I didn't realize that my life would suddenly really be lived in three- hour increments. And somehow that makes the days go by quickly. You wouldn't think so, since I'm awake about twenty hours a day. But seriously, they fly by.
Everybody wants maternity and newborn photos. With the rise and reign of Pinterest, I think we've come to expect that our maternity and newborn photos will be Pinterest-worthy, and that not only will the photography be stunning (definitely possible), but we will look stunning (less possible than you might think). I was just really puffy in my maternity photos and lack the kind of winsome face and normally-sized body that is necessary if your maternity photos are to be Pinterest-worthy, like this one:
But I can't even begin to scoff loud enough at these beautiful newborn photos:
To be fair, these women have it, so they can surely show it and enjoy it. I'm not hating on them because they're unusually beautiful despite their circumstances... just to be clear.
But let's just get real: WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT JUST DAYS AFTER YOU'VE GIVEN BIRTH?!!?! I am still slightly swollen (four weeks later), I still have a post-baby kangaroo pouch, I still have 30+ pounds to lose, and I have now added dark circles under my eyes and heavy and painful inflatable water floaties attached to my chest. I wear maternity pants still (that are now saggy) and often just over sized men's button-downs. My hair is usually piled on top of my head because it's probably three- day hair. I haven't shaved my legs in maybe a week and a half. I have plucked my eyebrows. So... you know, there's that, at least.
Don't get me wrong; it's all worth it. But it's not Pinterest-worthy. Not even at all. And I so wanted it to be.
They don't tell you that when you get home from the hospital, you will feel completely overwhelmed and not have a clue where to put all this new baby stuff so that can be used practically. I didn't think I'd be creating a baby bottle station on one of my counters and a baby bottle washing station on one side of my sink. You do figure it out, though.
They don't tell you HONESTLY how many diapers you'll go through!!! "Ten or eleven diapers a day is normal." THAT IS NOT TRUE. We feed Isabel eight times a day and she has at least two diapers in a three- hour period (told you live my life in three- hour increments), and that's not counting the wasted ones when I put a fresh one under her bum and suddenly things are being excreted. Ugh. In short, stock up on diapers during the full nine- month duration of your pregnancy.
Also, I knew that things like "pee-pee tepees" were necessary for boys, but my daughter has straight up had an arc to her surprise pees during diaper changes TWICE. Once, she hit me with it. What. The. Heck.
And while I knew I would be emotional after childbirth, I never imagined exactly what it would be like. Now I cry every time I see a sick baby or hear of parents who have to endure the death of a child. Now I cry even thinking of Isabel in pain. Weak sauce. You have a baby, and you morph into weak sauce.
On that note, as someone who has taught for eight years, I thought I'd have no problem being firm as a parent and letting my daughter cry when necessary for her sleep training. That's some hard stuff. They don't tell you that your child's cry will be the most heartbreaking thing you'll ever hear, and all you'll ever want to do is cuddle her forever and ever.
These are some of the things nobody can prepare you for. Reading this will not prepare you either, because you just have to live it. But it's the not being prepared part that might actually be the best thing. I'm the kind of person who makes the Boy Scouts proud: I'm always prepared. I'm a planner. But with this baby, I was not/am not prepared. That means I can't take any credit for any success. That means I have to fully rely on the Lord for energy, wisdom, etc. So this motherhood thing might be the thing that changes me the most. And that is a really great thing.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -- Galatians 6:9
xoxo, A
For example: though I knew we'd be feeding Isabel every three hours or so, I didn't realize that my life would suddenly really be lived in three- hour increments. And somehow that makes the days go by quickly. You wouldn't think so, since I'm awake about twenty hours a day. But seriously, they fly by.
Everybody wants maternity and newborn photos. With the rise and reign of Pinterest, I think we've come to expect that our maternity and newborn photos will be Pinterest-worthy, and that not only will the photography be stunning (definitely possible), but we will look stunning (less possible than you might think). I was just really puffy in my maternity photos and lack the kind of winsome face and normally-sized body that is necessary if your maternity photos are to be Pinterest-worthy, like this one:
{source}
Stop it, smiling pregnant woman with an open Oxford shirt. Just stop. I know you have a lot to smile about because your ankles probably never swelled, but just stop. You make the rest of us look bad.
{source}
{source}
Ladies, ladies, ladies. Your luscious locks are flowing and beautiful. Your limbs are lithe and not even at all swollen. Do you even have a residual baby belly? I think not. You're supposed to look bad. You're not sleeping and your body just underwent something extreme. Come on.
To be fair, these women have it, so they can surely show it and enjoy it. I'm not hating on them because they're unusually beautiful despite their circumstances... just to be clear.
But let's just get real: WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT JUST DAYS AFTER YOU'VE GIVEN BIRTH?!!?! I am still slightly swollen (four weeks later), I still have a post-baby kangaroo pouch, I still have 30+ pounds to lose, and I have now added dark circles under my eyes and heavy and painful inflatable water floaties attached to my chest. I wear maternity pants still (that are now saggy) and often just over sized men's button-downs. My hair is usually piled on top of my head because it's probably three- day hair. I haven't shaved my legs in maybe a week and a half. I have plucked my eyebrows. So... you know, there's that, at least.
Don't get me wrong; it's all worth it. But it's not Pinterest-worthy. Not even at all. And I so wanted it to be.
They don't tell you that when you get home from the hospital, you will feel completely overwhelmed and not have a clue where to put all this new baby stuff so that can be used practically. I didn't think I'd be creating a baby bottle station on one of my counters and a baby bottle washing station on one side of my sink. You do figure it out, though.
They don't tell you HONESTLY how many diapers you'll go through!!! "Ten or eleven diapers a day is normal." THAT IS NOT TRUE. We feed Isabel eight times a day and she has at least two diapers in a three- hour period (told you live my life in three- hour increments), and that's not counting the wasted ones when I put a fresh one under her bum and suddenly things are being excreted. Ugh. In short, stock up on diapers during the full nine- month duration of your pregnancy.
Also, I knew that things like "pee-pee tepees" were necessary for boys, but my daughter has straight up had an arc to her surprise pees during diaper changes TWICE. Once, she hit me with it. What. The. Heck.
And while I knew I would be emotional after childbirth, I never imagined exactly what it would be like. Now I cry every time I see a sick baby or hear of parents who have to endure the death of a child. Now I cry even thinking of Isabel in pain. Weak sauce. You have a baby, and you morph into weak sauce.
On that note, as someone who has taught for eight years, I thought I'd have no problem being firm as a parent and letting my daughter cry when necessary for her sleep training. That's some hard stuff. They don't tell you that your child's cry will be the most heartbreaking thing you'll ever hear, and all you'll ever want to do is cuddle her forever and ever.
These are some of the things nobody can prepare you for. Reading this will not prepare you either, because you just have to live it. But it's the not being prepared part that might actually be the best thing. I'm the kind of person who makes the Boy Scouts proud: I'm always prepared. I'm a planner. But with this baby, I was not/am not prepared. That means I can't take any credit for any success. That means I have to fully rely on the Lord for energy, wisdom, etc. So this motherhood thing might be the thing that changes me the most. And that is a really great thing.
"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -- Galatians 6:9
xoxo, A
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