Well, being a mommy of a toddler, being very pregnant, and starting a new from-home job does not bode well for personal blogging.
But today I needed to write.
I was just listening to my new favorite song, "Trust in You," by Lauren Daigle. Find it here if you haven't heard it. I invited Isabel to dance with me, and as I held my firstborn in my arms, studying her toothy smile and listening to the lyrics, my eyes welled up with tears as my soul welled up with joy.
I had been so afraid. So afraid to do labor again, even though my last experience was a good one. So afraid to lose sleep. So afraid this baby will be a screamer. So afraid Isabel will feel neglected. So afraid I won't be able to be a good mommy of two.
And then I heard this:
"Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!"
God has already gone before me. He will give me what I need each day. I need not worry about tomorrow because God is already there. Even if I have a colicky baby, even if Isabel feels neglected, even if I am overwhelmed, even if I don't get enough sleep: I will trust in God, because he is trustworthy, and his plan is perfect.
This was what I needed today, as I look towards this {hopefully} last week of pregnancy, towards my world changing yet again. But the God who doesn't change stands with me.
I hope you'll find peace and comfort in that knowledge as well.
And here's hoping that the next time I write, I'll be writing my second daughter's birth story!
xoxo,
A
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trust. Show all posts
1.23.2016
10.30.2012
Some Clarity
I've learned some things about myself in the last few months I haven't been blogging.
1. I don't want to blog for a living. If scores of people want to follow me and read what I write (dubious), let them. But I am not cut out to compete with those who make it their living. The planning, the pressure, the networking, the giveaways... it's just not my bag. I love writing and I love sharing things that have been meaningful or helpful to me. However, I really kind of hate the pressure of making it a career. So, it will be what I want it to be: a place where I spout whatever random things come into my head, or any lovely pictures I happen to share. The end.
2. I have a love-hate relationship with blogs. I love that lots of them are encouraging and most of them have awesome photos. I hate that all of their lives seem perfect. I love that so many of them give me great ideas. I hate that some of them are really vapid.
3. I want to do three things for a living, and combine them in any three possible ways:
A. Sell my doodles on etsy
B. Take great pictures of beautiful moments and get paid for it
C. Write devotionals for women and humorous fiction... and have it published
However, all of these things require either extreme startup costs or lots of wait time. I'm a little poor and a little impatient. So that makes it more challenging. Still, hopefully in the future, some combination of those three will be my full-time job.
4. I have a feeling one of the lifelong lessons I will have to continually learn is about God's faithfulness. Why, after his proven trustworthiness, do I continue to worry, fret, and even get angry when things don't go my way, as if my way were better than God's? Why do I throw temper tantrums when God has something infinitely better in store? I pray God would mature my faith so that my first instinct will be trust and obedience rather than anger and disappointment.
5. I desperately need to savor the moment. I am looking so far into the future that I fear I will miss the beautiful moments in front of me. A sampling of these beautiful moments are as follows:
A. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes Hband stirs as well. And sometimes he takes my hand and squeezes it and I fall back asleep. And he never remembers it in the morning.
B. Lucia makes little groaning noises when we wake her up-- all warm, salty puppy smelling, and cuddly.
C. Autumn has arrived in Florida. It is windy and beautifully cold. I say cold, because my Chicago blood has left me, and this Florida blood can't handle temps below 70 without shivering! I love it though!
D. My little apartment has a coziness to it that I know will bring me warm nostalgia long after we've moved out. It's our little love nest, full of mis-matched IKEA and hand-me-down furniture.
I know I've been gone a while. I don't know if anyone still reads. But at least now I'm okay with that. I can't compete with the big girls of blogging, and frankly, I don't want to. I'm just me, and I just like to write. That's why I started a Xanga years ago. Remember Xanga, you oldies? :)
Before I go, here are a few images from my last few photo shoots. Enjoy!
Happy Tuesday. :)
xoxo, A
1. I don't want to blog for a living. If scores of people want to follow me and read what I write (dubious), let them. But I am not cut out to compete with those who make it their living. The planning, the pressure, the networking, the giveaways... it's just not my bag. I love writing and I love sharing things that have been meaningful or helpful to me. However, I really kind of hate the pressure of making it a career. So, it will be what I want it to be: a place where I spout whatever random things come into my head, or any lovely pictures I happen to share. The end.
2. I have a love-hate relationship with blogs. I love that lots of them are encouraging and most of them have awesome photos. I hate that all of their lives seem perfect. I love that so many of them give me great ideas. I hate that some of them are really vapid.
3. I want to do three things for a living, and combine them in any three possible ways:
A. Sell my doodles on etsy
B. Take great pictures of beautiful moments and get paid for it
C. Write devotionals for women and humorous fiction... and have it published
However, all of these things require either extreme startup costs or lots of wait time. I'm a little poor and a little impatient. So that makes it more challenging. Still, hopefully in the future, some combination of those three will be my full-time job.
4. I have a feeling one of the lifelong lessons I will have to continually learn is about God's faithfulness. Why, after his proven trustworthiness, do I continue to worry, fret, and even get angry when things don't go my way, as if my way were better than God's? Why do I throw temper tantrums when God has something infinitely better in store? I pray God would mature my faith so that my first instinct will be trust and obedience rather than anger and disappointment.
5. I desperately need to savor the moment. I am looking so far into the future that I fear I will miss the beautiful moments in front of me. A sampling of these beautiful moments are as follows:
A. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes Hband stirs as well. And sometimes he takes my hand and squeezes it and I fall back asleep. And he never remembers it in the morning.
B. Lucia makes little groaning noises when we wake her up-- all warm, salty puppy smelling, and cuddly.
C. Autumn has arrived in Florida. It is windy and beautifully cold. I say cold, because my Chicago blood has left me, and this Florida blood can't handle temps below 70 without shivering! I love it though!
D. My little apartment has a coziness to it that I know will bring me warm nostalgia long after we've moved out. It's our little love nest, full of mis-matched IKEA and hand-me-down furniture.
I know I've been gone a while. I don't know if anyone still reads. But at least now I'm okay with that. I can't compete with the big girls of blogging, and frankly, I don't want to. I'm just me, and I just like to write. That's why I started a Xanga years ago. Remember Xanga, you oldies? :)
Before I go, here are a few images from my last few photo shoots. Enjoy!
Happy Tuesday. :)
xoxo, A
3.29.2012
Thoughts for Thursday: You Won't Miss Him.
I don't want to mislead anyone; I know the title of this blog sounds like a potential Kelly Clarkson song about yet another relationship down the tubes.
But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that, despite what the single woman's heart secretly sometimes believes, you will not miss the one God has for you.
This goes out to you single women. I was in your shoes for a long time, and not so long ago. So don't roll your eyes, thinking Oh sure, it's easy for you to talk about singleness now that you're married. I remember my singleness clearly-- the pain, the waiting, the trusting.
I don't know when I realized this truth, but it was sometime before I started dating Hband. My whole adult life I had been waiting for the man God had for me. Waiting, trusting, doubting, trusting... a never-ending cycle for 26 years. Suddenly it made sense to me: if I was in God's will (and I believed I was-- I was following him, trying to obey), and I believed God was sovereign and had a plan (which I did), then I would not and could not possibly miss the right man.
I wouldn't turn the wrong corner and never run into him. I wouldn't lose him to some other woman. I wouldn't look too ugly for him to want me. Those things just wouldn't happen. There was nothing I could do to mess up what God had planned.
Because if I believed in God's sovereignty and faithfulness, I knew that nothing would thwart his perfect plan. At the right time, in the right place, and in the right way, I would meet my future husband.
You can't imagine the peace that gave me. It was all off my shoulders! I didn't have to spend hours making sure I looked "perfect." I didn't have to worry about those last ten pounds I couldn't shed. I didn't have to fret about putting myself out there. It was all in God's hands (where it belongs), and I only had the responsibility to be faithful to obey God and trust him. The rest will fall in line.
I won't say that that realization is what caused me to start dating Hband. I don't believe in those "if/then" mystical scenarios. Nothing that I could do would propel God's plan into action, as if he was waiting for me. but I do know that once I relaxed and allowed myself to trust God, my singleness didn't worry me nearly as much.
And before I knew it, suddenly a ministry acquaintance became a flirty friend, and that flirty friend became a boyfriend. That boyfriend became my fiance, and that fiance became my husband. And it was all exactly as God designed, in his perfect time and in the perfect way. It was better than I could have imagined. I still don't understand his timing. Why then? Why that way? But I don't need to understand his timing.
I hope that you will trust in God's timing and leave your singleness in his hands. Please relax and know that you'll never mess up God's plan and miss the one he has for you. Allow yourself to enjoy your singleness. I was able to recognize that it was a blessing-- a chance to be independent and free to do as I pleased: travel, spend time with others, focus on a career, and most importantly, devote myself to ministry. I truly hope you'll see it as a blessing too.
Meanwhile, I now apply this to having children. I don't want any now, or anytime soon (sorry Mom), but in the back of my mind, I worry about my age. I always wanted to be pregnant in my twenties, and done having babies in my early thirties. Then again, I used to want to get married at 22, and I'm SO glad that didn't happen. So now I'm learning that I won't mess up my children or my body because I'm older when I have kids. It will be exactly when and how God wants it. I can relax, knowing that when the time is right, it will happen (please Lord, let it not be for a while... a long while!), and my children will only have problems if God wants them to have problems.
It's funny how even though we move on to the next life event, the things we struggle with and learn tend to stay the same. But that's the beauty of it-- what we learn in the past will help us in the future. And here's to that big, bright, beautiful future. :)
xoxo, A
But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that, despite what the single woman's heart secretly sometimes believes, you will not miss the one God has for you.
This goes out to you single women. I was in your shoes for a long time, and not so long ago. So don't roll your eyes, thinking Oh sure, it's easy for you to talk about singleness now that you're married. I remember my singleness clearly-- the pain, the waiting, the trusting.
I don't know when I realized this truth, but it was sometime before I started dating Hband. My whole adult life I had been waiting for the man God had for me. Waiting, trusting, doubting, trusting... a never-ending cycle for 26 years. Suddenly it made sense to me: if I was in God's will (and I believed I was-- I was following him, trying to obey), and I believed God was sovereign and had a plan (which I did), then I would not and could not possibly miss the right man.
I wouldn't turn the wrong corner and never run into him. I wouldn't lose him to some other woman. I wouldn't look too ugly for him to want me. Those things just wouldn't happen. There was nothing I could do to mess up what God had planned.
Because if I believed in God's sovereignty and faithfulness, I knew that nothing would thwart his perfect plan. At the right time, in the right place, and in the right way, I would meet my future husband.
You can't imagine the peace that gave me. It was all off my shoulders! I didn't have to spend hours making sure I looked "perfect." I didn't have to worry about those last ten pounds I couldn't shed. I didn't have to fret about putting myself out there. It was all in God's hands (where it belongs), and I only had the responsibility to be faithful to obey God and trust him. The rest will fall in line.
I won't say that that realization is what caused me to start dating Hband. I don't believe in those "if/then" mystical scenarios. Nothing that I could do would propel God's plan into action, as if he was waiting for me. but I do know that once I relaxed and allowed myself to trust God, my singleness didn't worry me nearly as much.
And before I knew it, suddenly a ministry acquaintance became a flirty friend, and that flirty friend became a boyfriend. That boyfriend became my fiance, and that fiance became my husband. And it was all exactly as God designed, in his perfect time and in the perfect way. It was better than I could have imagined. I still don't understand his timing. Why then? Why that way? But I don't need to understand his timing.
I hope that you will trust in God's timing and leave your singleness in his hands. Please relax and know that you'll never mess up God's plan and miss the one he has for you. Allow yourself to enjoy your singleness. I was able to recognize that it was a blessing-- a chance to be independent and free to do as I pleased: travel, spend time with others, focus on a career, and most importantly, devote myself to ministry. I truly hope you'll see it as a blessing too.
Meanwhile, I now apply this to having children. I don't want any now, or anytime soon (sorry Mom), but in the back of my mind, I worry about my age. I always wanted to be pregnant in my twenties, and done having babies in my early thirties. Then again, I used to want to get married at 22, and I'm SO glad that didn't happen. So now I'm learning that I won't mess up my children or my body because I'm older when I have kids. It will be exactly when and how God wants it. I can relax, knowing that when the time is right, it will happen (please Lord, let it not be for a while... a long while!), and my children will only have problems if God wants them to have problems.
It's funny how even though we move on to the next life event, the things we struggle with and learn tend to stay the same. But that's the beauty of it-- what we learn in the past will help us in the future. And here's to that big, bright, beautiful future. :)
xoxo, A
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