Well, being a mommy of a toddler, being very pregnant, and starting a new from-home job does not bode well for personal blogging.
But today I needed to write.
I was just listening to my new favorite song, "Trust in You," by Lauren Daigle. Find it here if you haven't heard it. I invited Isabel to dance with me, and as I held my firstborn in my arms, studying her toothy smile and listening to the lyrics, my eyes welled up with tears as my soul welled up with joy.
I had been so afraid. So afraid to do labor again, even though my last experience was a good one. So afraid to lose sleep. So afraid this baby will be a screamer. So afraid Isabel will feel neglected. So afraid I won't be able to be a good mommy of two.
And then I heard this:
"Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand
Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!"
God has already gone before me. He will give me what I need each day. I need not worry about tomorrow because God is already there. Even if I have a colicky baby, even if Isabel feels neglected, even if I am overwhelmed, even if I don't get enough sleep: I will trust in God, because he is trustworthy, and his plan is perfect.
This was what I needed today, as I look towards this {hopefully} last week of pregnancy, towards my world changing yet again. But the God who doesn't change stands with me.
I hope you'll find peace and comfort in that knowledge as well.
And here's hoping that the next time I write, I'll be writing my second daughter's birth story!
xoxo,
A
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
1.23.2016
10.01.2015
Cease Striving
45 minutes ago, I posted a request for prayer to Facebook. 30 minutes ago, I had a meltdown on my couch.
I cried because I am burnt out. I cried because I wish my family and best friends lived nearby. I cried because I often feel very alone. I cried because I often feel like I'm not doing enough, well enough. Because I was supposed to be savoring these last months with Isabel before the baby comes and really I'm just waiting for bedtime each day. Because soon another baby will be here and not only will I not have any breaks in my day, but I won't sleep at night, either. Because Isabel is extremely strong-willed and prone to tantrums, and doesn't seem to respond to discipline. Because Isabel can't yet be reasoned with and can't tell me why she doesn't want to eat the food I give her. Because life is stressful right now with abundance of need and lack of resources.
These are the reasons I cried.
They are legitimate, but I know I'm not alone in these feelings, especially as a newish mom, or a pregnant mom. Even as I voiced them to my husband, a still, small voice reminded me of these things:
1. CEASE STRIVING AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Cease striving. Be at peace. Stop trying so hard. Rest in Him, soak up his Word, talk to Him, and let him handle it. He'll give me what I need. It is under control. My striving only tells Him I don't trust Him or I think I have something of worth to offer on my own. (Psalm 46:10)
2. MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. I'm weak. This is just another opportunity to let God's power shine in my insufficiency. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
3. HE HAS GIVEN ME ALL I NEED FOR LIFE AND GODLINESS. Including life with a strong-willed toddler who won't nap and a baby on the way. (2 Peter 1:3)
Praise Him. Praise Him for speaking to me when I needed it. Praise Him for giving me His Word and allowing it to sink into the recesses of my mind for such a time as this. Praise Him for allowing me the blessings of husband, children, home- with all the stress those things bring. Praise Him for giving me my heart's desire, all the while knowing it would be the thing that whittles me down and shapes me into (hopefully, one day) a woman who looks like Christ.
I have so much to learn. I want so badly to allow those words from God to preach to me before I have a meltdown on my couch. But as Paul said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So if ceasing striving means I let Isabel put stickers on the wood floors to keep her busy and occupied so I can have a few minutes to fold laundry, then I'll do that. If it means I lay on the floor for a bit because I'm tired, and let her climb on me and unfold the laundry I just folded, just to get some rest, then I'll do that. Because ultimately, God's the one who will change my daughter's wayward heart. He's the one who will use any good I do to influence her positively, and He's the one who will mend any harm I cause by my own sinfulness. He's got her days already planned. And mine- and my nights, too. He's got this baking bun's days planned as well, and already knows if she'll be a good sleeper or not (please God, let her be). So I can cease striving and rest in the knowledge that he is GOD. There's a lot in that name; enough to remind me of why I can be still.
But I still believe in the power of prayer. So do pray for me. Please pray that I am an example of a godly wife and mother, even in my human frailty and sinfulness. Please pray that I can find moments of physical and mental rest. Pray that I will not feel so alone. Pray that Isabel and I will savor our last 4 months together of just "us." Pray that God readies all of us for our new little one. And please pray that God continues to provide for our needs.
Wherever this finds you, I pray that you too will be able to cease striving and know that He is God. Or, in layman's terms, let "Jesus take the wheel." Hahaha.
xoxo, A
I cried because I am burnt out. I cried because I wish my family and best friends lived nearby. I cried because I often feel very alone. I cried because I often feel like I'm not doing enough, well enough. Because I was supposed to be savoring these last months with Isabel before the baby comes and really I'm just waiting for bedtime each day. Because soon another baby will be here and not only will I not have any breaks in my day, but I won't sleep at night, either. Because Isabel is extremely strong-willed and prone to tantrums, and doesn't seem to respond to discipline. Because Isabel can't yet be reasoned with and can't tell me why she doesn't want to eat the food I give her. Because life is stressful right now with abundance of need and lack of resources.
These are the reasons I cried.
They are legitimate, but I know I'm not alone in these feelings, especially as a newish mom, or a pregnant mom. Even as I voiced them to my husband, a still, small voice reminded me of these things:
1. CEASE STRIVING AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. Cease striving. Be at peace. Stop trying so hard. Rest in Him, soak up his Word, talk to Him, and let him handle it. He'll give me what I need. It is under control. My striving only tells Him I don't trust Him or I think I have something of worth to offer on my own. (Psalm 46:10)
2. MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU, FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS. I'm weak. This is just another opportunity to let God's power shine in my insufficiency. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
3. HE HAS GIVEN ME ALL I NEED FOR LIFE AND GODLINESS. Including life with a strong-willed toddler who won't nap and a baby on the way. (2 Peter 1:3)
Praise Him. Praise Him for speaking to me when I needed it. Praise Him for giving me His Word and allowing it to sink into the recesses of my mind for such a time as this. Praise Him for allowing me the blessings of husband, children, home- with all the stress those things bring. Praise Him for giving me my heart's desire, all the while knowing it would be the thing that whittles me down and shapes me into (hopefully, one day) a woman who looks like Christ.
I have so much to learn. I want so badly to allow those words from God to preach to me before I have a meltdown on my couch. But as Paul said, "I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So if ceasing striving means I let Isabel put stickers on the wood floors to keep her busy and occupied so I can have a few minutes to fold laundry, then I'll do that. If it means I lay on the floor for a bit because I'm tired, and let her climb on me and unfold the laundry I just folded, just to get some rest, then I'll do that. Because ultimately, God's the one who will change my daughter's wayward heart. He's the one who will use any good I do to influence her positively, and He's the one who will mend any harm I cause by my own sinfulness. He's got her days already planned. And mine- and my nights, too. He's got this baking bun's days planned as well, and already knows if she'll be a good sleeper or not (please God, let her be). So I can cease striving and rest in the knowledge that he is GOD. There's a lot in that name; enough to remind me of why I can be still.
But I still believe in the power of prayer. So do pray for me. Please pray that I am an example of a godly wife and mother, even in my human frailty and sinfulness. Please pray that I can find moments of physical and mental rest. Pray that I will not feel so alone. Pray that Isabel and I will savor our last 4 months together of just "us." Pray that God readies all of us for our new little one. And please pray that God continues to provide for our needs.
Wherever this finds you, I pray that you too will be able to cease striving and know that He is God. Or, in layman's terms, let "Jesus take the wheel." Hahaha.
xoxo, A
2.14.2014
A Valentine's Day Confession
I find today to be an appropriate day to talk about what I've been learning recently.
I'm about to get brutally honest.
I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife. I mean, on the surface, I'm a good wife. I am always available for my husband, I cook and clean for him, I make him lunch, complete with a nice note, we talk together and laugh together, and I truly love him.
But I have been given a real (and necessary) kick in the pants.
Some day I plan to write a book about expectations and how they are at the root of relationship issues. And it's true. I found out that I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife when I thought my expectations had not been met. Let me explain. My husband is a great husband. He is godly, faithful, caring, loving, often thoughtful, and likes to spend time with me. But somewhere, somehow, I got the idea that my husband was supposed to act a certain way if he was going to really show love to me. It's true, I feel love differently than he does, and he knows that. But in reality, if my husband is following I Cor. 13, that's real, true love. And most of the time, my husband does this.
But I didn't see it that way. I was struggling. Our relationship was never in peril, but I was allowing myself to feel hurt by the unmet expectations I had. I knew something had to change. I didn't think it would have to be me, because after all, I selflessly served my husband, day in and day out. How could it be me that had to change?
Then I read The Fruitful Wife by Hayley DiMarco. Consider my butt kicked. Actually, I haven't finished it-- I'm about halfway through, and my butt is thoroughly kicked. What she shares is nothing new, but I can relate so completely to her and her experience. She was an independent woman who got married later, and she likes to be in control and argue until people realize that she is right. She explains how the tension in her marriage was simply from a lack of fruit of the Spirit.
Wow. Imagine my surprise that the hurt I was feeling was a direct result of my own lacking, trusting relationship with the Lord, NOT my husband's lack of love. Imagine my surprise that I was not exhibiting real love, joy, peace, patience, etc.
What impacted me most was her point that we are to have the fruit of the Spirit not for our own satisfaction or to help us have a "happy" life, but rather for God's glory, and the good of others (which brings God glory as well). I need to love my husband regardless of if I feel loved in return because that is glorifying to God. I need to have joy in all circumstances because that is honoring to God. And so on.
This is elementary. But somehow, it seemed so new and fresh and just what I needed to hear.
So on this Valentine's Day, a day of expectation, I encourage you to love those around you-- husbands, fiances, boyfriends, friends, parents-- without expectation. Because if we trust our God, we know we have everything we need (including emotionally), and don't need to depend on what others do for us. Love them because God loves you. Love them because that's honoring to God.
And read this book! It's changing my perspective and improving my marriage. Maybe you'll like it, too!
Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo, A
I'm about to get brutally honest.
I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife. I mean, on the surface, I'm a good wife. I am always available for my husband, I cook and clean for him, I make him lunch, complete with a nice note, we talk together and laugh together, and I truly love him.
But I have been given a real (and necessary) kick in the pants.
Some day I plan to write a book about expectations and how they are at the root of relationship issues. And it's true. I found out that I am a self-righteous, know-it-all, fruit of the Spirit-lacking wife when I thought my expectations had not been met. Let me explain. My husband is a great husband. He is godly, faithful, caring, loving, often thoughtful, and likes to spend time with me. But somewhere, somehow, I got the idea that my husband was supposed to act a certain way if he was going to really show love to me. It's true, I feel love differently than he does, and he knows that. But in reality, if my husband is following I Cor. 13, that's real, true love. And most of the time, my husband does this.
But I didn't see it that way. I was struggling. Our relationship was never in peril, but I was allowing myself to feel hurt by the unmet expectations I had. I knew something had to change. I didn't think it would have to be me, because after all, I selflessly served my husband, day in and day out. How could it be me that had to change?
Then I read The Fruitful Wife by Hayley DiMarco. Consider my butt kicked. Actually, I haven't finished it-- I'm about halfway through, and my butt is thoroughly kicked. What she shares is nothing new, but I can relate so completely to her and her experience. She was an independent woman who got married later, and she likes to be in control and argue until people realize that she is right. She explains how the tension in her marriage was simply from a lack of fruit of the Spirit.
Wow. Imagine my surprise that the hurt I was feeling was a direct result of my own lacking, trusting relationship with the Lord, NOT my husband's lack of love. Imagine my surprise that I was not exhibiting real love, joy, peace, patience, etc.
What impacted me most was her point that we are to have the fruit of the Spirit not for our own satisfaction or to help us have a "happy" life, but rather for God's glory, and the good of others (which brings God glory as well). I need to love my husband regardless of if I feel loved in return because that is glorifying to God. I need to have joy in all circumstances because that is honoring to God. And so on.
This is elementary. But somehow, it seemed so new and fresh and just what I needed to hear.
So on this Valentine's Day, a day of expectation, I encourage you to love those around you-- husbands, fiances, boyfriends, friends, parents-- without expectation. Because if we trust our God, we know we have everything we need (including emotionally), and don't need to depend on what others do for us. Love them because God loves you. Love them because that's honoring to God.
And read this book! It's changing my perspective and improving my marriage. Maybe you'll like it, too!
Happy Valentine's Day!
xoxo, A
1.14.2014
Never Once
I don't know if any of you struggle with trust the way I do. Seems like my whole life is one big lesson of trusting in God's faithfulness. That's not a bad thing, but I wish I were quicker to remember God's faithfulness and slower to worry about the future.
There's one song about this I've been singing to myself a lot lately. I find it tremendously encouraging, and I hope you'll find it encouraging as well. It's "Never Once," by Matt Redman.
It seems to me it's written from the point of view of those at the end of things, when Christ returns to Earth in victory. But even if it's not-- even if it's just about the battles in our lives-- I just love it. Can't get through it without crying.
Ponder this:
There's one song about this I've been singing to myself a lot lately. I find it tremendously encouraging, and I hope you'll find it encouraging as well. It's "Never Once," by Matt Redman.
It seems to me it's written from the point of view of those at the end of things, when Christ returns to Earth in victory. But even if it's not-- even if it's just about the battles in our lives-- I just love it. Can't get through it without crying.
Ponder this:
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Looking just how far we’ve come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You’ve done
Knowing every victory
Was Your power in us
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You can listen to it here.
xoxo,
A
12.18.2013
The Truths That Changed Us
All my life, I've had great ambitions. I've wanted to be a missionary to the ignored Europeans. I've wanted to be a famous fashion designer, an interior designer, and an actress. I still want to become a published writer. Some of those ambitions became reality: I became a teacher. I got married. And now, I'm going to be a mom. The two constant ambitions that never changed were becoming a wife and a mom. Though this world typically scoffs at a woman who chooses to invest her life in her husband and children, writing her off as naive, uncultured, uneducated, and wasteful, I think it is a high calling. It's not an investment in the economy or the arts (and those are wonderful, too); it's an investment in the future, and as a believer in Jesus Christ, it's an investment in eternity, too.
Just after I got married, however, the thought of having children literally made my stomach turn. I was (perhaps selfishly) perfectly content with just Mike and me. I loved our little, comfy life. Deep down, I still wanted kids, but not for a LONG TIME. Then we got a dog, and suddenly I had responsibilities. God started to change my heart and little by little, the idea of possibly having a child with my husband became an exciting (and scary) thought. I wasn't fully sold though. It never seemed like the "right time." I know what everyone tells you: "You'll never be financially ready." "There's never a good time or the right time to have kids." But I didn't want to be foolish. We both had steady jobs and a place to live, but those steady jobs brought in barely enough to live on, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment, and we were still paying off debt. But then suddenly God gave me a different perspective. While indeed there is a time and season for everything, and I'm a firm believer in learning how to simply be married before learning how to be married AND be a parent, God helped me see things from a more biblical perspective than the phrase, "we're waiting until the time is right."
As I understand it, the Bible gives us three truths that apply to the question, "when should we have kids?"
1. Our relationship to our husband/wife needs to be second only to our relationship with God.
2. Children are a gift from the Lord.
3. God promises to meet all of our NEEDS.
Those simple truths helped Mike and me come to the decision that maybe we should just see what God has in store. Our relationship was solid, so knowing the other two truths helped us take that leap. And once we took a deep breath and decided to open ourselves up to the possibility of kids, a whole new ballgame began.
It was time to play the "what if" game. What if I'm too old? What if I have trouble getting pregnant? What if this process takes years and then I'm really too old? What if it simply doesn't happen? I found one other Biblical truth very helpful:
1. God is sovereign.
It could take years to get pregnant, or it could never happen. I didn't take it for granted. I know that every time a child is conceived, it is indeed a miracle, and I don't mean that in a trite way. So many things have to happen at the right time, in the right way for that life to begin. And then it's another miracle for that child to grow and survive in the womb. Never did I think it was a given that once we decided to have children, it would happen quickly and easily. I was prepared for the long haul.
And then God surprised me.
He decided not to have us wait; that wouldn't be our trial this time. For some, that's their trial with God and one way God is shaping them into His image. For us, it will be (and has been) other things. Five weeks after deciding to "see what happens," this happened:
Guess it was for sure. It was surreal, because I really hadn't thought it would happen so quickly. It was terrifying, because how were we going to be parents?! It was sweet, because God had done a miracle.
And now, I'm 16.5 weeks in. God has seen fit to sustain this baby thus far, and we are grateful. Nervous, still, but we know these truths, as well:
1. We have no reason to be terrified, since God is for us.
2. God has given us everything we need for life and godliness. That must include becoming parents.
Amazing how simple life becomes when we rest in the truths God has given us.
I don't know where you're at: maybe you're disinclined to have children for the same reasons we were. Maybe you want them but it's "not the right time." Maybe you deeply desire to have children but God hasn't chosen to allow that yet. Maybe you're going through the heartache of losing a child. Maybe you're in the process of adopting a child. Maybe your quiver is full of children. And maybe you're still waiting for the one that God has for you to share your life with and possibly have children with. Wherever you are, I hope that what my journey so far has shown you is that trusting these truths about God (and all the truths in His Word) help us to submit to His will and endure (and enjoy) whatever it is He has planned for us: whatever blessings or trials that are a part of our unique stories.
xoxo, A
4.09.2013
Entitled
Do you ever feel like you deserve something? Maybe because you've been working hard, or reached a goal, or whatever? A bubble bath, a special trip to Chipotle, that outfit at Target-- you know what I'm talking about. I feel that way, sometimes. After a week of eating well, I deserve a donut, right? And after paying off a credit card, I deserve a special purchase, right? (Just kidding, Mom-- I wouldn't do that!) This kind of mentality that I get myself into (partially with myself to blame, partially the media, and partially society), I've developed a sort of entitled attitude that I don't even consciously know exists, most of the time.
As a teacher, it's pretty evident that much of our youth are growing up with an entitled attitude. I never realized that as a part of this society, it's one of my downfalls, too. How did I realize this? Through a series of disappointments. Why was I disappointed? Because I felt like I deserved those things, so when I didn't get them, I was disappointed.
First, my parents (who were thinking about investing in a home here in Florida for Mike and me to rent from them) put an offer in on a great house. We didn't get it. Then, they put in an offer on an even better house, and we had a good chance of getting it. Then the owners backed out and decided to give it to charity. Um, okay then. I was disappointed. If we had gotten this house, we could save an extra $200/month and get rid of our debt faster, thus allowing us to try to have a family sooner. Without this house, we stay in an apartment that has ridiculous neighbors and water bills, throw our money away monthly, and trudge along in our debt payment plan for another year, with no hope of changing our housing situation or family situation. In short, we're stuck.
But still- why was I disappointed? I have a wonderful husband that I had prayed so long for. We both have multiple jobs that allow us to live a comfortable life. We've been able to travel. We have a great church family and ministries we're involved in. So what's the problem, even if things aren't happening on my timetable?
The problem is, somewhere along the way I began to believe that I deserved to have a house, nice decorations, a yard, children, and a cushioned bank account. I don't deserve that, though. God often blesses people with those things, but I don't deserve them.
What I actually deserve is an eternity of separation from God in hell. Nothing less. By God's grace, he saved me from that through faith in Christ's sacrifice for my sin. That is enough. That is more than enough. Anything else is icing on the cake. Shelter of any kind? Icing. Food? That's chocolate icing. Clothes? Cream cheese icing. No matter what the world tells me, I do not deserve those "extra" things. If God blesses me with them, I can fully enjoy them... but I shouldn't expect them. Not, of course, because God isn't good, but because he knows so much more than I do. So on any given day, in any circumstance, I am always doing better than I deserve. And I really, really am trying to remember that.
xoxo, A
As a teacher, it's pretty evident that much of our youth are growing up with an entitled attitude. I never realized that as a part of this society, it's one of my downfalls, too. How did I realize this? Through a series of disappointments. Why was I disappointed? Because I felt like I deserved those things, so when I didn't get them, I was disappointed.
First, my parents (who were thinking about investing in a home here in Florida for Mike and me to rent from them) put an offer in on a great house. We didn't get it. Then, they put in an offer on an even better house, and we had a good chance of getting it. Then the owners backed out and decided to give it to charity. Um, okay then. I was disappointed. If we had gotten this house, we could save an extra $200/month and get rid of our debt faster, thus allowing us to try to have a family sooner. Without this house, we stay in an apartment that has ridiculous neighbors and water bills, throw our money away monthly, and trudge along in our debt payment plan for another year, with no hope of changing our housing situation or family situation. In short, we're stuck.
But still- why was I disappointed? I have a wonderful husband that I had prayed so long for. We both have multiple jobs that allow us to live a comfortable life. We've been able to travel. We have a great church family and ministries we're involved in. So what's the problem, even if things aren't happening on my timetable?
The problem is, somewhere along the way I began to believe that I deserved to have a house, nice decorations, a yard, children, and a cushioned bank account. I don't deserve that, though. God often blesses people with those things, but I don't deserve them.
What I actually deserve is an eternity of separation from God in hell. Nothing less. By God's grace, he saved me from that through faith in Christ's sacrifice for my sin. That is enough. That is more than enough. Anything else is icing on the cake. Shelter of any kind? Icing. Food? That's chocolate icing. Clothes? Cream cheese icing. No matter what the world tells me, I do not deserve those "extra" things. If God blesses me with them, I can fully enjoy them... but I shouldn't expect them. Not, of course, because God isn't good, but because he knows so much more than I do. So on any given day, in any circumstance, I am always doing better than I deserve. And I really, really am trying to remember that.
xoxo, A
1.30.2013
Ebenezers... Again.
I've written about ebenezers before. You know, the piles of stones the Israelites would erect as a testament of God's faithfulness? I'm a firm believer that recognizing and remembering ebenezers is something that grows faith tremendously. Unless we choose to take notice of Gods faithfulness in our lives, we miss opportunities to change and grow.
I keep forgetting to do this- or to add to what I've started- but a great way to take notice is by writing little things that remind us of God's faithfulness on smooth stones (bought at Michael's), and then putting them in a tall glass vase. Then not only can you remove them and review God's faithfulness in your life, but just seeing the sheer number of stones will remind you, even in passing.
Something I'm more committed to is journaling. I don't do that as often as I should either, but every couple of weeks I like to write down ways that God has continued to show his faithfulness in my life.
Why do this? Because when hard times come and I feel alone and far from God? I can remind myself of what is true. God was faithful and good in the past. God is currently faithful and good. and God will continue to be faithful and good in the future.
I write this because recently, God met a need of ours in a very tangible way. A decreased paycheck, new car payment, and increased cost of insurance left us in a bad way for the month of January. But God knew, and God provided, and we want to always remember that God provides what we need, when we need it.
Then I had this thought: think about the joy we experience when God meets a physical need of ours. Now imagine our joy in eternity, when we fully realize the joy of God meeting our eternal spiritual needs! Won't that be incredible?!
So wherever you're at right now- whatever need you have at the moment- take a moment to review God's faithfulness in your life, and remember that God is faithful and good. He will meet your needs in the right way at just the right time.
xoxo, A
I keep forgetting to do this- or to add to what I've started- but a great way to take notice is by writing little things that remind us of God's faithfulness on smooth stones (bought at Michael's), and then putting them in a tall glass vase. Then not only can you remove them and review God's faithfulness in your life, but just seeing the sheer number of stones will remind you, even in passing.
Something I'm more committed to is journaling. I don't do that as often as I should either, but every couple of weeks I like to write down ways that God has continued to show his faithfulness in my life.
Why do this? Because when hard times come and I feel alone and far from God? I can remind myself of what is true. God was faithful and good in the past. God is currently faithful and good. and God will continue to be faithful and good in the future.
I write this because recently, God met a need of ours in a very tangible way. A decreased paycheck, new car payment, and increased cost of insurance left us in a bad way for the month of January. But God knew, and God provided, and we want to always remember that God provides what we need, when we need it.
Then I had this thought: think about the joy we experience when God meets a physical need of ours. Now imagine our joy in eternity, when we fully realize the joy of God meeting our eternal spiritual needs! Won't that be incredible?!
So wherever you're at right now- whatever need you have at the moment- take a moment to review God's faithfulness in your life, and remember that God is faithful and good. He will meet your needs in the right way at just the right time.
xoxo, A
12.07.2012
A Change
On Tuesday, my life changed. It's funny and also scary how just a split second can change everything.
You see that plus sign on the pee stick-- BAM. Changed. Didn't happen to me, though.
You get that acceptance letter to college-- BAM. Changed. That happened a long time ago.
You say "yes" and put that ring on your finger-- BAM. Changed. That already happened too.
The biopsy comes back positive for cancer-- BAM. Changed. Thank God that's not it.
I hadn't thought about how quickly life could change since I lived at home and my dad used to scare the crap out of me by saying things like, "one poor choice--you lose control of the car, you accidentally kill someone, and your life will never be the same. Saying 'sorry' won't help." That's not just me, right-- that's terrifying, isn't it?!!
That's probably why I say "I love you" before I leave or hang up with anyone I love. I realize that in a moment, life could change.
And on Tuesday, my life changed. It's not as dramatic as all that, but it's still pretty big in my life.
On Tuesday, I had picked up Lucia from my mother-in-law's house, as usual, and was heading home like every other Tuesday. I must have driven that route literally 100 times. But this time, as I was driving in the far left lane, a PT Cruiser with an elderly man inside decided to pull out and turn left from a parking lot on the right. Instead of crossing three lanes of traffic and waiting in the median to cross the next three, he decided to pull into my lane and face me. I was going 45 (the speed limit) and swerved into the median, slamming on my brakes. It wasn't enough. He smashed into my front right passenger side. My airbags went off with a deafening POP, filling the car and my lungs with a horrible gun powder smell.
I could scarcely believe what had just happened, though I watched him slam into my car. It was terrifying. I was shaking and immediately started crying. My mind was racing-- what do I do? I have to call Mike. And a tow truck. What was his license plate in case he drives away? Should I stay in here? Fortunately, some amazing people pulled their cars into the median to help me. Faith in humanity restored. In fact, one young man I would have normally categorized as a "douchebag," knocked on my window. I opened my door and he said, "You should probably get out." Still shaking, tears running down my face, I grabbed the dog, who I hoped wasn't deaf from the airbags, and my purse. The dog peed AND pooped all over my skirt and shirt, and as I stood there for what felt like five minutes, just trying to remember how to find my husband's phone number on my phone, these Good Samaritans called 911 and helped keep me safe from the cars whizzing around me. Some real jerks shouted out their windows, "You can't park there!" Yeah, thanks buddy. I like to park in the median and cry, with dog feces and urine on my clothes. Cool. It's OK-- Mr. Not-Douchebag gave him the finger. Maybe he really was a douchebag with a good heart?
The firetruck came and a nice fireman cleaned the poop off Lucia's butt, and my finger, and I got the names and numbers of two kind people. Well, I got their names and numbers after this girls dug around in my purse for the pen, since I had poo on my finger. Their kindness really touched me.
I was finally able to walk to the side of the road, where I just sat, crying and shaking. Still my mind raced. Mike has work tonight! How will he get dinner? Will he be late? What am I going to do? How are we going to afford a new car?
My mother-in-law came and hugged me. She ordered me to sit down in the car and Hband is pretty sure she would have wrestled me if I hadn't listened to her. Hband made it around the same time and I hugged him like I never wanted to leave him, because I didn't. I was so scared.
A report was filed, the old man was cited, and The Golden Bullet, my faithful car of many years, was towed. And like that, things were quiet again. For those of you who have experienced an accident, this may be tame for you. But for me, this was terrifying. Because I realized that in that one second, life could have changed even more than it had. God protected Lucia and me in a way I don't understand. It was almost a head-on collision. Lucia should have been hurt. The airbag should have hit my face. But she was fine, and I was fine-- just whiplash and a couple bruises.
But life still changed. We went from owning two reliable, albiet old cars, to having to find a way to fit a car payment into our tight budget. That is a big change for a couple who are desperately paying down debt and struggling month-to-month.
But God proved his faithfulness once again. I was alive. Our dog was alive. I didn't have to go to the hospital. We would be fine. God knew about this before I woke up in the morning. Heck, he knew about it before I was born. So he has a plan and will provide, and it will be good.
Meanwhile though, it's a real headache.
But twice that night, Hband said, "I'm glad you're not dead." To anyone else, that sounds caustic and harsh. To me, with a husband who's not very sappy, it meant a lot. Even if I'd be happy to see Jesus, I'm glad I could spend the evening cuddling up to my husband and dog, watching "How I Met Your Mother."
Life changed for me, but part of that change is remembering to savor every moment until it changes again.
xoxo, A
You see that plus sign on the pee stick-- BAM. Changed. Didn't happen to me, though.
You get that acceptance letter to college-- BAM. Changed. That happened a long time ago.
You say "yes" and put that ring on your finger-- BAM. Changed. That already happened too.
The biopsy comes back positive for cancer-- BAM. Changed. Thank God that's not it.
I hadn't thought about how quickly life could change since I lived at home and my dad used to scare the crap out of me by saying things like, "one poor choice--you lose control of the car, you accidentally kill someone, and your life will never be the same. Saying 'sorry' won't help." That's not just me, right-- that's terrifying, isn't it?!!
That's probably why I say "I love you" before I leave or hang up with anyone I love. I realize that in a moment, life could change.
And on Tuesday, my life changed. It's not as dramatic as all that, but it's still pretty big in my life.
On Tuesday, I had picked up Lucia from my mother-in-law's house, as usual, and was heading home like every other Tuesday. I must have driven that route literally 100 times. But this time, as I was driving in the far left lane, a PT Cruiser with an elderly man inside decided to pull out and turn left from a parking lot on the right. Instead of crossing three lanes of traffic and waiting in the median to cross the next three, he decided to pull into my lane and face me. I was going 45 (the speed limit) and swerved into the median, slamming on my brakes. It wasn't enough. He smashed into my front right passenger side. My airbags went off with a deafening POP, filling the car and my lungs with a horrible gun powder smell.
I could scarcely believe what had just happened, though I watched him slam into my car. It was terrifying. I was shaking and immediately started crying. My mind was racing-- what do I do? I have to call Mike. And a tow truck. What was his license plate in case he drives away? Should I stay in here? Fortunately, some amazing people pulled their cars into the median to help me. Faith in humanity restored. In fact, one young man I would have normally categorized as a "douchebag," knocked on my window. I opened my door and he said, "You should probably get out." Still shaking, tears running down my face, I grabbed the dog, who I hoped wasn't deaf from the airbags, and my purse. The dog peed AND pooped all over my skirt and shirt, and as I stood there for what felt like five minutes, just trying to remember how to find my husband's phone number on my phone, these Good Samaritans called 911 and helped keep me safe from the cars whizzing around me. Some real jerks shouted out their windows, "You can't park there!" Yeah, thanks buddy. I like to park in the median and cry, with dog feces and urine on my clothes. Cool. It's OK-- Mr. Not-Douchebag gave him the finger. Maybe he really was a douchebag with a good heart?
The firetruck came and a nice fireman cleaned the poop off Lucia's butt, and my finger, and I got the names and numbers of two kind people. Well, I got their names and numbers after this girls dug around in my purse for the pen, since I had poo on my finger. Their kindness really touched me.
I was finally able to walk to the side of the road, where I just sat, crying and shaking. Still my mind raced. Mike has work tonight! How will he get dinner? Will he be late? What am I going to do? How are we going to afford a new car?
My mother-in-law came and hugged me. She ordered me to sit down in the car and Hband is pretty sure she would have wrestled me if I hadn't listened to her. Hband made it around the same time and I hugged him like I never wanted to leave him, because I didn't. I was so scared.
A report was filed, the old man was cited, and The Golden Bullet, my faithful car of many years, was towed. And like that, things were quiet again. For those of you who have experienced an accident, this may be tame for you. But for me, this was terrifying. Because I realized that in that one second, life could have changed even more than it had. God protected Lucia and me in a way I don't understand. It was almost a head-on collision. Lucia should have been hurt. The airbag should have hit my face. But she was fine, and I was fine-- just whiplash and a couple bruises.
But life still changed. We went from owning two reliable, albiet old cars, to having to find a way to fit a car payment into our tight budget. That is a big change for a couple who are desperately paying down debt and struggling month-to-month.
But God proved his faithfulness once again. I was alive. Our dog was alive. I didn't have to go to the hospital. We would be fine. God knew about this before I woke up in the morning. Heck, he knew about it before I was born. So he has a plan and will provide, and it will be good.
Meanwhile though, it's a real headache.
But twice that night, Hband said, "I'm glad you're not dead." To anyone else, that sounds caustic and harsh. To me, with a husband who's not very sappy, it meant a lot. Even if I'd be happy to see Jesus, I'm glad I could spend the evening cuddling up to my husband and dog, watching "How I Met Your Mother."
Life changed for me, but part of that change is remembering to savor every moment until it changes again.
xoxo, A
11.24.2012
Thanksgiving, in Review
I didn't have time to update this blog in time for Thanksgiving, what with all our merry-making. Here's a collage to summarize our week in Chicago:
As you can see, no fancy editing was done. Mostly because I wanted to simply enjoy my vacation without working on ANYTHING. And that's what happened. We had a horrific travel day, but after that, our visit was idyllic. We went downtown and I finally (after 23 years of living in Cook County and 5 years visiting) made it up the "Willis" Tower. We had lunch with family at the Walnut Room in "Macy's," which was fantastic! Notice how I keep putting certain words in quotes? That's because they changed the names of those places against my wishes. They really should consider me in their decision making. We took Christmas card pictures and stuffed ourselves on Thanksgiving, and I even decorated gingerbread men,too.
This trip reminded me of many of the things I'm thankful for. On Thanksgiving Day, we sat at the table, enjoying the bounty my mom had created. We went around the tables (we cousins were still at the kid table but don't mind a bit) and said what we were thankful for. The oft-repeated thing was family, and it's true. I'm very blessed with a wonderful family. My grandpa said it well, though when he said simply, "This. I'm just thankful for this."
This year, I have a husband, a puppy, a nice apartment, a job, clothes, good food, healthy familiy, salvation, good friends, and lots of things I don't need. In addition to all that, God gave me a really special week with my family here in Chicago... probably to tide me over since I'll be spending my first Christmas away from them, ever.
Thanks be to God for all His many gifts!
xoxo, A
As you can see, no fancy editing was done. Mostly because I wanted to simply enjoy my vacation without working on ANYTHING. And that's what happened. We had a horrific travel day, but after that, our visit was idyllic. We went downtown and I finally (after 23 years of living in Cook County and 5 years visiting) made it up the "Willis" Tower. We had lunch with family at the Walnut Room in "Macy's," which was fantastic! Notice how I keep putting certain words in quotes? That's because they changed the names of those places against my wishes. They really should consider me in their decision making. We took Christmas card pictures and stuffed ourselves on Thanksgiving, and I even decorated gingerbread men,too.
This trip reminded me of many of the things I'm thankful for. On Thanksgiving Day, we sat at the table, enjoying the bounty my mom had created. We went around the tables (we cousins were still at the kid table but don't mind a bit) and said what we were thankful for. The oft-repeated thing was family, and it's true. I'm very blessed with a wonderful family. My grandpa said it well, though when he said simply, "This. I'm just thankful for this."
This year, I have a husband, a puppy, a nice apartment, a job, clothes, good food, healthy familiy, salvation, good friends, and lots of things I don't need. In addition to all that, God gave me a really special week with my family here in Chicago... probably to tide me over since I'll be spending my first Christmas away from them, ever.
Thanks be to God for all His many gifts!
xoxo, A
11.06.2012
On Voting... Like Everyone Else
Everyone is writing about voting. Everyone. Everywhere. I swear, I heard my neice say "Obama." OK, maybe that was baby talk, but still. Everyone. Everywhere. My facebook, TV, blogs I follow-- everything is and has been about the election for about three months now.
Thank God it is over (hopefully) today.
I have deliberately stayed pretty silent on all things political, unlike the last election. Four years ago, I was involved in the Greater Pinellas Young Republicans, a group that has since dissolved into something else and I just sort of eased out of it. I voted for John McCain, and I didn't care who knew. I told everyone on facebook why they should do the same. This year, I think I "liked" Paul Ryan on facebook and that was the extent of my political voice to the masses this time around.
Why?
Because I don't know about you, but I have never, ever been swayed by anything anyone has posted on their facebook/twitter/blog. I have never, ever been swayed by a political ad. So those who rant and rave against one option and glorify another are essentially wasting their breath unless they also post informative, non-biased facts, statistics, etc. In fact, those are the only things I find helpful (and sometimes not even then). I understand why they do it-- we all want sounding boards while we're up on our soap boxes. Oh do I ever have soap boxes. But at this point, when everyone is so fed up with political ads and all the hooplah, I kind of figure that my soap box will be simply pushed away like everyone else's. So I don't waste my breath anymore. Instead, I discuss it with others in person, which is, I believe, the only way people are ever really swayed. And by "others," I don't mean strangers. I mean people I know. Because another annoyance is having strangers who know nothing of your life tell you who you should vote for.
I'm not at all apathetic. I have very strong convictions. I'm just sick of hearing everyone's all at once, and I know you are too. But I voted, and I'm very thankful for that opportunity. There was a time when women weren't allowed to; I'm very glad that has changed.
This election wasn't easy, however. Here come my convictions:
I have tremendous respect for President Obama. He has filled his role with dignity, and that is something I appreciate across party lines. However, I personally don't agree with what he thinks will improve our economy, I think he lacks experience, I think he hasn't fulfilled his promises, and I disagree with his stance on abortion. I'm not a huge fan of Mitt Romney as a person. I think he's hidden some potentially shady business deals, etc, and that doesn't smack of integrity to me. Yet, he isn't a believer in Jesus Christ, so I can't expect him to act like one. I do think he would have integrity in office, however, because it helps to have the accountability of a Cabinet. I think he can handle money well and will turn our economy around, and I believe he will do his best to try to preserve unborn lives. I'm not wild about either candidate, but not voting is the coward's way out. I voted for Mitt Romney, not because I love him; not because I think Obama is terrible, but because he aligns more with the idea of less governmental control over my life, and more importantly, he aligns with what I believe is one of the biggest issues of our time, that God will judge people for: abortion.
I cannot, in good conscience, vote for someone who doesn't have a problem with killing unborn babies. I will admit a problem though-- I don't understand how someone could be against abortion except in cases of rape and incest. In those cases, does the baby cease to be a baby? Certainly not. The fact of the matter is, yes, it is a woman's body, but not hers alone. It is also the body of a baby that cannot speak up for itself. Abortion is the largest case of genocide, and it is continuing, unchecked. Again, I simply cannot vote for a leader who would support the murder of unborn children.
So that's who I voted for, and why, and why I haven't been in your face about it. You can certainly disagree with me, as this is America. Ultimately, I know God is my King and in control-- no human leader will ever mess up his plans, and for that, I am truly thankful.
xoxo, A
Thank God it is over (hopefully) today.
I have deliberately stayed pretty silent on all things political, unlike the last election. Four years ago, I was involved in the Greater Pinellas Young Republicans, a group that has since dissolved into something else and I just sort of eased out of it. I voted for John McCain, and I didn't care who knew. I told everyone on facebook why they should do the same. This year, I think I "liked" Paul Ryan on facebook and that was the extent of my political voice to the masses this time around.
Why?
Because I don't know about you, but I have never, ever been swayed by anything anyone has posted on their facebook/twitter/blog. I have never, ever been swayed by a political ad. So those who rant and rave against one option and glorify another are essentially wasting their breath unless they also post informative, non-biased facts, statistics, etc. In fact, those are the only things I find helpful (and sometimes not even then). I understand why they do it-- we all want sounding boards while we're up on our soap boxes. Oh do I ever have soap boxes. But at this point, when everyone is so fed up with political ads and all the hooplah, I kind of figure that my soap box will be simply pushed away like everyone else's. So I don't waste my breath anymore. Instead, I discuss it with others in person, which is, I believe, the only way people are ever really swayed. And by "others," I don't mean strangers. I mean people I know. Because another annoyance is having strangers who know nothing of your life tell you who you should vote for.
I'm not at all apathetic. I have very strong convictions. I'm just sick of hearing everyone's all at once, and I know you are too. But I voted, and I'm very thankful for that opportunity. There was a time when women weren't allowed to; I'm very glad that has changed.
This election wasn't easy, however. Here come my convictions:
I have tremendous respect for President Obama. He has filled his role with dignity, and that is something I appreciate across party lines. However, I personally don't agree with what he thinks will improve our economy, I think he lacks experience, I think he hasn't fulfilled his promises, and I disagree with his stance on abortion. I'm not a huge fan of Mitt Romney as a person. I think he's hidden some potentially shady business deals, etc, and that doesn't smack of integrity to me. Yet, he isn't a believer in Jesus Christ, so I can't expect him to act like one. I do think he would have integrity in office, however, because it helps to have the accountability of a Cabinet. I think he can handle money well and will turn our economy around, and I believe he will do his best to try to preserve unborn lives. I'm not wild about either candidate, but not voting is the coward's way out. I voted for Mitt Romney, not because I love him; not because I think Obama is terrible, but because he aligns more with the idea of less governmental control over my life, and more importantly, he aligns with what I believe is one of the biggest issues of our time, that God will judge people for: abortion.
I cannot, in good conscience, vote for someone who doesn't have a problem with killing unborn babies. I will admit a problem though-- I don't understand how someone could be against abortion except in cases of rape and incest. In those cases, does the baby cease to be a baby? Certainly not. The fact of the matter is, yes, it is a woman's body, but not hers alone. It is also the body of a baby that cannot speak up for itself. Abortion is the largest case of genocide, and it is continuing, unchecked. Again, I simply cannot vote for a leader who would support the murder of unborn children.
So that's who I voted for, and why, and why I haven't been in your face about it. You can certainly disagree with me, as this is America. Ultimately, I know God is my King and in control-- no human leader will ever mess up his plans, and for that, I am truly thankful.
xoxo, A
9.28.2012
Oh. My. Goodness.
Have mercy-- I have simply NOT been tending to my blog. I'm sorry, folks. Let's just say this school year has been a challenge so far. Or rather, life has been a challenge recently.
I have lots of pictures to post, and will do so before too long.
But it might be a little while before I get back into my blogging schedule.
For right now, let me be totally honest with you. The Bible tells me that godliness with contentment is great gain. And it just so happens that those are the two areas in which God is growing me right now. And just like when I was a kid, growing pains hurt.
Regarding godliness: I had gotten into a passionless routine with the Lord. I spent time with him, and truly, I wanted to become more godly. But I wasn't making it a priority. Hband and I had the opportunity to go to the Ekklesia conference in Jupiter, Florida, and it was so refreshing for my soul in many ways. I was reminded that everything except Jesus is superfluous. And that helped me tremendously, though it's not easy. I was bombarded, again and again, with the truth from God's Word that God picked me to belong to him from before time began, plucking me from my headlong race to hell. He chose me to love him, and because of that, eternity with him is mine. How can I then not make him my priority? He gave his everything for me. How can I be so ungrateful? This refocusing of my soul has also brought with it trials, as trials tend to produce the most fruit in my life. And that's where contentment comes in.
I told Hband yesterday that I just feel "stuck." "I'm just stuck," I told him, through tears. "No, not stuck," he said. "Placed." He's right. I'm only here because God placed me here, with specific things to do. Where is here, you may ask? The here that I'm struggling with is in Florida (the heat, my God, the heat!! And absence of fall...), away from my family, friends far away, in a job I'm not wild about anymore, in an apartment and not a house, and an indefinite amount of time before we can have kids because we need to pay off our debt and Hband needs a better paying job. I'd like to have a house, start a family, and move somewhere where it's just Hband and me, on our own little adventure (somewhere where the leaves change). But that's not where God placed me right now. Right now he placed me in a little apartment with a high-maintenance dog and a low-paying, difficult job in the heat of Florida's Gulf Coast, with no wiggle-room in our budget and no definite time we can start a family.
And I am choosing to be grateful and have joy in it, because that same God that plucked my from my headlong race to hell has also placed me in this moment, for some reason I can't see.
Godliness with contentment is great gain. And so I will persevere, if only out of thanks to my Savior.
xoxo, A
I have lots of pictures to post, and will do so before too long.
But it might be a little while before I get back into my blogging schedule.
For right now, let me be totally honest with you. The Bible tells me that godliness with contentment is great gain. And it just so happens that those are the two areas in which God is growing me right now. And just like when I was a kid, growing pains hurt.
Regarding godliness: I had gotten into a passionless routine with the Lord. I spent time with him, and truly, I wanted to become more godly. But I wasn't making it a priority. Hband and I had the opportunity to go to the Ekklesia conference in Jupiter, Florida, and it was so refreshing for my soul in many ways. I was reminded that everything except Jesus is superfluous. And that helped me tremendously, though it's not easy. I was bombarded, again and again, with the truth from God's Word that God picked me to belong to him from before time began, plucking me from my headlong race to hell. He chose me to love him, and because of that, eternity with him is mine. How can I then not make him my priority? He gave his everything for me. How can I be so ungrateful? This refocusing of my soul has also brought with it trials, as trials tend to produce the most fruit in my life. And that's where contentment comes in.
I told Hband yesterday that I just feel "stuck." "I'm just stuck," I told him, through tears. "No, not stuck," he said. "Placed." He's right. I'm only here because God placed me here, with specific things to do. Where is here, you may ask? The here that I'm struggling with is in Florida (the heat, my God, the heat!! And absence of fall...), away from my family, friends far away, in a job I'm not wild about anymore, in an apartment and not a house, and an indefinite amount of time before we can have kids because we need to pay off our debt and Hband needs a better paying job. I'd like to have a house, start a family, and move somewhere where it's just Hband and me, on our own little adventure (somewhere where the leaves change). But that's not where God placed me right now. Right now he placed me in a little apartment with a high-maintenance dog and a low-paying, difficult job in the heat of Florida's Gulf Coast, with no wiggle-room in our budget and no definite time we can start a family.
And I am choosing to be grateful and have joy in it, because that same God that plucked my from my headlong race to hell has also placed me in this moment, for some reason I can't see.
Godliness with contentment is great gain. And so I will persevere, if only out of thanks to my Savior.
xoxo, A
Hello, My Name is Amanda and I'm a Published Author.
Finally.
After years of writing and many queries, I'm published.
But let's be real here: it's just Chicken Soup for the Soul. Hahaha! Everytime I think of it, I laugh. I mean, there are plenty of people who are really blessed by the Chicken Soup books, but they have never really been my thing, you know? Still, the story I wrote is one of the most important of my life, and they chose it, and for that I'm grateful.
What's most amazing about this is that God is continuing to use my late youth pastor, years after his death. That is a legacy. I pray someday that God will use me even after my death.
Another amazing thing is that this was totally unexpected, and very encouraging. God has words for me to write, and this gives me encouragement to keep writing them.
So if you're interested, my story "My First Ebenezer" is published in Chicken Soup for the Soul:Finding My Faith. I don't get any royalties though. Hahaha! Still, there could be some other good stories in there, so take a look, if you're so inclined! The Kindle edition is available now on Amazon, but it won't be on the shelves until some time in October, I believe.
Meanwhile, I got several copies in the mail. And my father in law wants me to sign his, just in case I become the next Mark Twain. Hahahaha. As if (channeling my inner Cher from Clueless there. 90s girls: wasn't that just a great movie?! Haha!).
But seriously. Thanks, God. This is an awesome thing to happen. :)
xoxo, A
After years of writing and many queries, I'm published.
But let's be real here: it's just Chicken Soup for the Soul. Hahaha! Everytime I think of it, I laugh. I mean, there are plenty of people who are really blessed by the Chicken Soup books, but they have never really been my thing, you know? Still, the story I wrote is one of the most important of my life, and they chose it, and for that I'm grateful.
What's most amazing about this is that God is continuing to use my late youth pastor, years after his death. That is a legacy. I pray someday that God will use me even after my death.
Another amazing thing is that this was totally unexpected, and very encouraging. God has words for me to write, and this gives me encouragement to keep writing them.
So if you're interested, my story "My First Ebenezer" is published in Chicken Soup for the Soul:Finding My Faith. I don't get any royalties though. Hahaha! Still, there could be some other good stories in there, so take a look, if you're so inclined! The Kindle edition is available now on Amazon, but it won't be on the shelves until some time in October, I believe.
Meanwhile, I got several copies in the mail. And my father in law wants me to sign his, just in case I become the next Mark Twain. Hahahaha. As if (channeling my inner Cher from Clueless there. 90s girls: wasn't that just a great movie?! Haha!).
But seriously. Thanks, God. This is an awesome thing to happen. :)
xoxo, A
7.18.2012
In Lieu of Sisters
Yowza, I've been gone a while, haven't I?! I won't be back to the weekly routine until at least when schools starts again. The reason is, well, there is really no order during the summer. It's pretty much all chaos, all the time. But it's the good kind of chaos that allows sporadic sleeping in and lazy days on the couch.
But I've been neglecting my blog. Not because I wanted to, but I haven't quite gotten a handle on this whole puppy mommy thing. It's a lot of work, on top of what was already a life that was a lot of work! So today, when Hband said, "you haven't blogged for a long time..." I took that as my cue. Time to snap to it and finally type out what's been on my heart for a little while. Ready? OK, here we go:
I sat in the steamy attic room that had been mine years ago. It had traces of my decorating style, but mostly it was my mom's sewing room these days. The hundred-degree days required two fans blowing on me at all times. As I sat there, I realized something interesting: throughout my life, God has never ignored my ardent desire to have sisters. And in lieu of sisters, here is what he's given me:
1. a grand total of six cousins of varying ages that I got to spend my growing up years with (and now my grown-up years).
2. various collections of pairs of sisters-- and I often found myself smack in the middle, age-wise. No fewer than four pairs over my lifetime.
This amazed me! I always wanted sisters, but that wasn't in God's plan for my family. Instead of ignoring this prayer of my heart, he surrounded me with girls and women who have become as close to me as sisters. God is so good.
This thought came to me after an evening spent in my cousin's house, surrounded by five of my cousins. All but one of us are post-high school, and we talked and laughed for hours. These women are the sisters I've always had. And you already know about Bestie and Bestie Jr.
So blessed. I'm truly blessed to have these women in my life and girls in my past. In lieu of sisters.
What is it you feel you are lacking? What is the prayer of your heart? How has God filled it in his own way?
xoxo, A
But I've been neglecting my blog. Not because I wanted to, but I haven't quite gotten a handle on this whole puppy mommy thing. It's a lot of work, on top of what was already a life that was a lot of work! So today, when Hband said, "you haven't blogged for a long time..." I took that as my cue. Time to snap to it and finally type out what's been on my heart for a little while. Ready? OK, here we go:
I sat in the steamy attic room that had been mine years ago. It had traces of my decorating style, but mostly it was my mom's sewing room these days. The hundred-degree days required two fans blowing on me at all times. As I sat there, I realized something interesting: throughout my life, God has never ignored my ardent desire to have sisters. And in lieu of sisters, here is what he's given me:
1. a grand total of six cousins of varying ages that I got to spend my growing up years with (and now my grown-up years).
2. various collections of pairs of sisters-- and I often found myself smack in the middle, age-wise. No fewer than four pairs over my lifetime.
This amazed me! I always wanted sisters, but that wasn't in God's plan for my family. Instead of ignoring this prayer of my heart, he surrounded me with girls and women who have become as close to me as sisters. God is so good.
This thought came to me after an evening spent in my cousin's house, surrounded by five of my cousins. All but one of us are post-high school, and we talked and laughed for hours. These women are the sisters I've always had. And you already know about Bestie and Bestie Jr.
So blessed. I'm truly blessed to have these women in my life and girls in my past. In lieu of sisters.
What is it you feel you are lacking? What is the prayer of your heart? How has God filled it in his own way?
xoxo, A
4.05.2012
Thoughts for Thursday: Verbal Affirmation
I sometimes laugh when "love languages" are discussed. It's not that I necessarily disagree with the concept, but sometimes love languages are used as pat answers or sound trite. But the more time goes by and the more I learn about myself, I realize there are specific ways I feel love more than others. One of those is verbal affirmation. I like to hear that I'm loved in conjunction with the knowledge that I am loved. I like to hear that I look nice today instead of just assuming Hband likes the way I've done my hair.
The funny thing about love languages is that not only do we have certain ways we like to receive love; we also have certain ways we like to show love. And Hband does not always show love by verbal affirmation. He shows it in so many other ways, and I never doubt his affection.
But in the three months we've been married, I've realized a problem. It's not necessarily Mike's problem, but it's mine. I feel this need to know that I'm loved, desired, appreciated. etc, and I want to hear it. While that's normal, and not necessarily bad, I know the root of this is pride.
And it's not in Hband's job description to feed my ego and coddle my pride. Besides-- if I need affirmation and words that tell me I'm worthwhile, loved, and pretty, I know where I really need to go: the Word.
God tells me I'm beautiful-- Psalm 139
God tells me I'm loved-- John 3:16
God tells me I'm worth it-- Romans 5:8
And that's just the beginning. That's just the tiniest peak of the iceberg.
This is another illustration of how marriage is designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church-- the love and affirmation that a husband might give his wife is only a taste of the love and affirmation given by Christ to his followers.
Of course, he also kicks my butt, too-- but that's for another day. :)
xoxo, A
The funny thing about love languages is that not only do we have certain ways we like to receive love; we also have certain ways we like to show love. And Hband does not always show love by verbal affirmation. He shows it in so many other ways, and I never doubt his affection.
But in the three months we've been married, I've realized a problem. It's not necessarily Mike's problem, but it's mine. I feel this need to know that I'm loved, desired, appreciated. etc, and I want to hear it. While that's normal, and not necessarily bad, I know the root of this is pride.
And it's not in Hband's job description to feed my ego and coddle my pride. Besides-- if I need affirmation and words that tell me I'm worthwhile, loved, and pretty, I know where I really need to go: the Word.
God tells me I'm beautiful-- Psalm 139
God tells me I'm loved-- John 3:16
God tells me I'm worth it-- Romans 5:8
And that's just the beginning. That's just the tiniest peak of the iceberg.
This is another illustration of how marriage is designed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the church-- the love and affirmation that a husband might give his wife is only a taste of the love and affirmation given by Christ to his followers.
Of course, he also kicks my butt, too-- but that's for another day. :)
xoxo, A
3.29.2012
Thoughts for Thursday: You Won't Miss Him.
I don't want to mislead anyone; I know the title of this blog sounds like a potential Kelly Clarkson song about yet another relationship down the tubes.
But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that, despite what the single woman's heart secretly sometimes believes, you will not miss the one God has for you.
This goes out to you single women. I was in your shoes for a long time, and not so long ago. So don't roll your eyes, thinking Oh sure, it's easy for you to talk about singleness now that you're married. I remember my singleness clearly-- the pain, the waiting, the trusting.
I don't know when I realized this truth, but it was sometime before I started dating Hband. My whole adult life I had been waiting for the man God had for me. Waiting, trusting, doubting, trusting... a never-ending cycle for 26 years. Suddenly it made sense to me: if I was in God's will (and I believed I was-- I was following him, trying to obey), and I believed God was sovereign and had a plan (which I did), then I would not and could not possibly miss the right man.
I wouldn't turn the wrong corner and never run into him. I wouldn't lose him to some other woman. I wouldn't look too ugly for him to want me. Those things just wouldn't happen. There was nothing I could do to mess up what God had planned.
Because if I believed in God's sovereignty and faithfulness, I knew that nothing would thwart his perfect plan. At the right time, in the right place, and in the right way, I would meet my future husband.
You can't imagine the peace that gave me. It was all off my shoulders! I didn't have to spend hours making sure I looked "perfect." I didn't have to worry about those last ten pounds I couldn't shed. I didn't have to fret about putting myself out there. It was all in God's hands (where it belongs), and I only had the responsibility to be faithful to obey God and trust him. The rest will fall in line.
I won't say that that realization is what caused me to start dating Hband. I don't believe in those "if/then" mystical scenarios. Nothing that I could do would propel God's plan into action, as if he was waiting for me. but I do know that once I relaxed and allowed myself to trust God, my singleness didn't worry me nearly as much.
And before I knew it, suddenly a ministry acquaintance became a flirty friend, and that flirty friend became a boyfriend. That boyfriend became my fiance, and that fiance became my husband. And it was all exactly as God designed, in his perfect time and in the perfect way. It was better than I could have imagined. I still don't understand his timing. Why then? Why that way? But I don't need to understand his timing.
I hope that you will trust in God's timing and leave your singleness in his hands. Please relax and know that you'll never mess up God's plan and miss the one he has for you. Allow yourself to enjoy your singleness. I was able to recognize that it was a blessing-- a chance to be independent and free to do as I pleased: travel, spend time with others, focus on a career, and most importantly, devote myself to ministry. I truly hope you'll see it as a blessing too.
Meanwhile, I now apply this to having children. I don't want any now, or anytime soon (sorry Mom), but in the back of my mind, I worry about my age. I always wanted to be pregnant in my twenties, and done having babies in my early thirties. Then again, I used to want to get married at 22, and I'm SO glad that didn't happen. So now I'm learning that I won't mess up my children or my body because I'm older when I have kids. It will be exactly when and how God wants it. I can relax, knowing that when the time is right, it will happen (please Lord, let it not be for a while... a long while!), and my children will only have problems if God wants them to have problems.
It's funny how even though we move on to the next life event, the things we struggle with and learn tend to stay the same. But that's the beauty of it-- what we learn in the past will help us in the future. And here's to that big, bright, beautiful future. :)
xoxo, A
But that's not what this post is about. This post is about the fact that, despite what the single woman's heart secretly sometimes believes, you will not miss the one God has for you.
This goes out to you single women. I was in your shoes for a long time, and not so long ago. So don't roll your eyes, thinking Oh sure, it's easy for you to talk about singleness now that you're married. I remember my singleness clearly-- the pain, the waiting, the trusting.
I don't know when I realized this truth, but it was sometime before I started dating Hband. My whole adult life I had been waiting for the man God had for me. Waiting, trusting, doubting, trusting... a never-ending cycle for 26 years. Suddenly it made sense to me: if I was in God's will (and I believed I was-- I was following him, trying to obey), and I believed God was sovereign and had a plan (which I did), then I would not and could not possibly miss the right man.
I wouldn't turn the wrong corner and never run into him. I wouldn't lose him to some other woman. I wouldn't look too ugly for him to want me. Those things just wouldn't happen. There was nothing I could do to mess up what God had planned.
Because if I believed in God's sovereignty and faithfulness, I knew that nothing would thwart his perfect plan. At the right time, in the right place, and in the right way, I would meet my future husband.
You can't imagine the peace that gave me. It was all off my shoulders! I didn't have to spend hours making sure I looked "perfect." I didn't have to worry about those last ten pounds I couldn't shed. I didn't have to fret about putting myself out there. It was all in God's hands (where it belongs), and I only had the responsibility to be faithful to obey God and trust him. The rest will fall in line.
I won't say that that realization is what caused me to start dating Hband. I don't believe in those "if/then" mystical scenarios. Nothing that I could do would propel God's plan into action, as if he was waiting for me. but I do know that once I relaxed and allowed myself to trust God, my singleness didn't worry me nearly as much.
And before I knew it, suddenly a ministry acquaintance became a flirty friend, and that flirty friend became a boyfriend. That boyfriend became my fiance, and that fiance became my husband. And it was all exactly as God designed, in his perfect time and in the perfect way. It was better than I could have imagined. I still don't understand his timing. Why then? Why that way? But I don't need to understand his timing.
I hope that you will trust in God's timing and leave your singleness in his hands. Please relax and know that you'll never mess up God's plan and miss the one he has for you. Allow yourself to enjoy your singleness. I was able to recognize that it was a blessing-- a chance to be independent and free to do as I pleased: travel, spend time with others, focus on a career, and most importantly, devote myself to ministry. I truly hope you'll see it as a blessing too.
Meanwhile, I now apply this to having children. I don't want any now, or anytime soon (sorry Mom), but in the back of my mind, I worry about my age. I always wanted to be pregnant in my twenties, and done having babies in my early thirties. Then again, I used to want to get married at 22, and I'm SO glad that didn't happen. So now I'm learning that I won't mess up my children or my body because I'm older when I have kids. It will be exactly when and how God wants it. I can relax, knowing that when the time is right, it will happen (please Lord, let it not be for a while... a long while!), and my children will only have problems if God wants them to have problems.
It's funny how even though we move on to the next life event, the things we struggle with and learn tend to stay the same. But that's the beauty of it-- what we learn in the past will help us in the future. And here's to that big, bright, beautiful future. :)
xoxo, A
3.22.2012
Thoughts for Thursday: I am NOT the Holy Spirit
And now we come to Thoughts for Thursday. Enjoy the thoughts:
It's really easy to spot sin in others, isn't it? It's not hard to determine when someone else is being impatient, letting their anger take control, acting selfishly, or being prideful. Of course, identifying those sins in our own lives is a little more difficult. That in and of itself is an indication of pride.
Regardless, if you spend any amount of time in close quarters with another individual, you'll see their sin and quickly. It doesn't matter if they're your roommate, your sibling, or your spouse; no matter how much you love them, and no matter how wonderful they are, they are going to sin and you are going to see it.
And if you're anything like I am, you're going to want them to fix it. Maybe it's for the right reasons-- because you want to see them overcome their sin and grow in their relationship with the Lord, ever maturing into the individual God wants them to become. Or maybe sometimes it's a more selfish reason-- you want them to be as perfect as possible so your environment can be as perfect as possible and your life will be easier.
Well that's a whole other bag of worms, isn't it?
Hband doesn't sin any more than I do, or even any differently than I do, but I've found myself in an argument with him more times than I'd like, sometimes because I've identified sin and won't relent in confronting it until he sees it too. And admittedly, this argument probably spawns and lingers from my self-righteousness and pride.
Confrontation isn't bad; in fact, if you never confront sin when you see it, that's a problem too. Woman up and say something in love. But the problem is my attitude and my unrelenting confrontation. The problem is, like my wise friend (and soon-to-be-bride) said, "I am not his Holy Spirit."
The Holy Spirit was given as a helper, with the purpose of sanctifying the believer and acting as a guide-- MORE than "conscience," since even unbelievers have a God-given conscience. He gives believers the ability to actually say "no" to sin. He is the one who brings conviction that inspires repentance. That is NOT me.
{John 14:16-18; 16:23-15; Romans 8:5-11, 13-16, 26-27}
My job isn't to relentlessly hound Hband or anyone else until they see their sin and repent. Why? Because Hband has the Holy Spirit, and He is working in my husband as much as he is working in me. It's my responsibility to point out sin in a loving way, but beyond that, it's between him and the Lord. Instead of all the energy I've spent arguing and convincing, perhaps I should apply that energy to identifying my own sin and repenting of it.
I think it's probably a control thing. I want to control my environment, and in order to that, I want to control Hband's behavior. But again, that's not my job. He has been placed by God as my authority, and one does not argue and relentlessly badger their authority; that is disrespectful. Besides-- he doesn't do that to me, and I'm JUST as sinful as he.
So... this is something about which I've been thinking over the last couple of days. I'm working out how I will learn this in a practical way. Any suggestions? Do you struggle with this? What has worked for you?
xoxo, A
It's really easy to spot sin in others, isn't it? It's not hard to determine when someone else is being impatient, letting their anger take control, acting selfishly, or being prideful. Of course, identifying those sins in our own lives is a little more difficult. That in and of itself is an indication of pride.
Regardless, if you spend any amount of time in close quarters with another individual, you'll see their sin and quickly. It doesn't matter if they're your roommate, your sibling, or your spouse; no matter how much you love them, and no matter how wonderful they are, they are going to sin and you are going to see it.
And if you're anything like I am, you're going to want them to fix it. Maybe it's for the right reasons-- because you want to see them overcome their sin and grow in their relationship with the Lord, ever maturing into the individual God wants them to become. Or maybe sometimes it's a more selfish reason-- you want them to be as perfect as possible so your environment can be as perfect as possible and your life will be easier.
Well that's a whole other bag of worms, isn't it?
Hband doesn't sin any more than I do, or even any differently than I do, but I've found myself in an argument with him more times than I'd like, sometimes because I've identified sin and won't relent in confronting it until he sees it too. And admittedly, this argument probably spawns and lingers from my self-righteousness and pride.
Confrontation isn't bad; in fact, if you never confront sin when you see it, that's a problem too. Woman up and say something in love. But the problem is my attitude and my unrelenting confrontation. The problem is, like my wise friend (and soon-to-be-bride) said, "I am not his Holy Spirit."
The Holy Spirit was given as a helper, with the purpose of sanctifying the believer and acting as a guide-- MORE than "conscience," since even unbelievers have a God-given conscience. He gives believers the ability to actually say "no" to sin. He is the one who brings conviction that inspires repentance. That is NOT me.
{John 14:16-18; 16:23-15; Romans 8:5-11, 13-16, 26-27}
My job isn't to relentlessly hound Hband or anyone else until they see their sin and repent. Why? Because Hband has the Holy Spirit, and He is working in my husband as much as he is working in me. It's my responsibility to point out sin in a loving way, but beyond that, it's between him and the Lord. Instead of all the energy I've spent arguing and convincing, perhaps I should apply that energy to identifying my own sin and repenting of it.
I think it's probably a control thing. I want to control my environment, and in order to that, I want to control Hband's behavior. But again, that's not my job. He has been placed by God as my authority, and one does not argue and relentlessly badger their authority; that is disrespectful. Besides-- he doesn't do that to me, and I'm JUST as sinful as he.
So... this is something about which I've been thinking over the last couple of days. I'm working out how I will learn this in a practical way. Any suggestions? Do you struggle with this? What has worked for you?
xoxo, A
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)