10.30.2012

Some Clarity

I've learned some things about myself in the last few months I haven't been blogging.

1.  I don't want to blog for a living.  If scores of people want to follow me and read what I write (dubious), let them.  But I am not cut out to compete with those who make it their living.  The planning, the pressure, the  networking, the giveaways... it's just not my bag.  I love writing and I love sharing things that have been meaningful or helpful to me.  However, I really kind of hate the pressure of making it a career.  So, it will be what I want it to be: a place where I spout whatever random things come into my head, or any lovely pictures I happen to share.  The end.  

2.  I have a love-hate relationship with blogs.  I love that lots of them are encouraging and most of them have awesome photos.  I hate that all of their lives seem perfect.  I love that so many of them give me great ideas. I hate that some of them are really vapid.  

3.  I want to do three things for a living, and combine them in any three possible ways:
     A.  Sell my doodles on etsy
     B.  Take great pictures of beautiful moments and get paid for it
     C.  Write devotionals for women and humorous fiction... and have it published
However, all of these things require either extreme startup costs or lots of wait time.  I'm a little poor and a little impatient.  So that makes it more challenging.  Still, hopefully in the future, some combination of those three will be my full-time job.

4.  I have a feeling one of the lifelong lessons I will have to continually learn is about God's faithfulness.  Why, after his proven trustworthiness, do I continue to worry, fret, and even get angry when things don't go my way, as if my way were better than God's?  Why do I throw temper tantrums when God has something infinitely better in store?  I pray God would mature my faith so that my first instinct will be trust and obedience rather than anger and disappointment.

5.  I desperately need to savor the moment.  I am looking so far into the future that I fear I will miss the beautiful moments in front of me.  A sampling of these beautiful moments are as follows:
     A.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes Hband stirs as well.  And sometimes he takes my hand and squeezes it and I fall back asleep.  And he never remembers it in the morning.
     B.  Lucia makes little groaning noises when we wake her up-- all warm, salty puppy smelling, and cuddly.
     C.  Autumn has arrived in Florida.  It is windy and beautifully cold.  I say cold, because my Chicago blood has left me, and this Florida blood can't handle temps below 70 without shivering!  I love it though!
     D.  My little apartment has a coziness to it that I know will bring me warm nostalgia long after we've moved out.  It's our little love nest, full of mis-matched IKEA and hand-me-down furniture.

I know I've been gone a while.  I don't know if anyone still reads.  But at least now I'm okay with that.  I can't compete with the big girls of blogging, and frankly, I don't want to.  I'm just me, and I just like to write. That's why I started a Xanga years ago.  Remember Xanga, you oldies? :)  

Before I go, here are a few images from my last few photo shoots.  Enjoy!








Happy Tuesday. :)
xoxo, A