Oh. My. Goodness.

Have mercy-- I have simply NOT been tending to my blog.  I'm sorry, folks.  Let's just say this school year has been a challenge so far.  Or rather, life has been a challenge recently.

I have lots of pictures to post, and will do so before too long.

But it might be a little while before I get back into my blogging schedule.

For right now, let me be totally honest with you.  The Bible tells me that godliness with contentment is great gain.  And it just so happens that those are the two areas in which God is growing me right now.  And just like when I was a kid, growing pains hurt.

Regarding godliness:  I had gotten into a passionless routine with the Lord.  I spent time with him, and truly, I wanted to become more godly.  But I wasn't making it a priority.  Hband and I had the opportunity to go to the Ekklesia conference in Jupiter, Florida, and it was so refreshing for my soul in many ways.  I was reminded that everything except Jesus is superfluous.  And that helped me tremendously, though it's not easy.  I was bombarded, again and again, with the truth from God's Word that God picked me to belong to him from before time began, plucking me from my headlong race to hell.  He chose me to love him, and because of that, eternity with him is mine.  How can I then not make him my priority?  He gave his everything for me.  How can I be so ungrateful?  This refocusing of my soul has also brought with it trials, as trials tend to produce the most fruit in my life.  And that's where contentment comes in.

I told Hband yesterday that I just feel "stuck."  "I'm just stuck," I told him, through tears.  "No, not stuck," he said.  "Placed."  He's right.  I'm only here because God placed me here, with specific things to do.  Where is here, you may ask?  The here that I'm struggling with is in Florida (the heat, my God, the heat!!  And absence of fall...), away from my family, friends far away, in a job I'm not wild about anymore, in an apartment and not a house, and an indefinite amount of time before we can have kids because we need to pay off our debt and Hband needs a better paying job.  I'd like to have a house, start a family, and move somewhere where it's just Hband and me, on our own little adventure (somewhere where the leaves change).  But that's not where God placed me right now.  Right now he placed me in a little apartment with a high-maintenance dog and a low-paying, difficult job in the heat of Florida's Gulf Coast, with no wiggle-room in our budget and no definite time we can start a family.

And I am choosing to be grateful and have joy in it, because that same God that plucked my from my headlong race to hell has also placed me in this moment, for some reason I can't see. 

Godliness with contentment is great gain.  And so I will persevere, if only out of thanks to my Savior.

xoxo, A

Thoughts for Thursday: Joy-Robber

Take a look at this picture.

Take it all in.  Aside from my freakish laughing horse-face, do you see anything... off... in this picture?

Look more closely at the cake.  That was our wedding cake, with our topper below, on the table (a gorgeous Irish porcelain figurine).  We ordered a simple cake with whipped frosting, to be applied in a sort of messy way-- not polished looking, anyway.  But somehow in transport, our cake got lumpy, and it couldn't support our cake topper anymore.

The friend who transported the cake was beside herself.  What she didn't know is I was so, so thankful for her help, and so, so glad I didn't have to worry about the cake that day, that the state of my $20 Publix wedding cake was not going to upset me.

Notice our faces.  We clearly were not upset.  I found it hilarious, actually, that we were cutting our wedding "lump."

But I use this picture to illustrate a point I've been thinking about.  It would be easy to look at this picture and think, my wedding cake wasn't as good as so-and-so's.  I feel bad about it.  I wish I had had this.  I wish I had had that.  The day wasn't perfect because of this detail, and that bugs me.  Maybe that's a silly illustration, but I know I can't be alone in the comparison game.  As prideful people and sometimes perfectionists, maybe you (like me) want your everything to be "the best," and you find yourself constantly comparing yourself/things to others, making sure you measure up.

Why?  Why do I do that?  I didn't do it with my wedding cake, so it must be possible to stop doing, right?  I have found that comparison, as I've written before (don't know where I first heard this) kills your joy, kills your contentment.  Constant comparison of anything only makes you unhappy with your life as it stands and unable to find joy in the moment.

I've been thinking about this because I have this problem when it comes to different parts of my life, and I hate it.  It's so prideful and it's so wrong to be discontent with any part of this blessed life God has given me.  Confession: while I love wedding blogs that feature gorgeous weddings, I get slightly jealous that I hadn't gotten married on a boat/in the woods/in the city/on a rooftop or whatever.  I also love wedding photography, and while my photographer was both very talented and a great deal, I sometimes think, why didn't I get pictures like THAT?!  Another confession: my husband is fantastic.  But sometimes I compare him to what I think he should be doing, and it makes me discontent.  Why isn't he telling me I look pretty enough?  He doesn't bring me flowers.  He must be unhappy.  These confessions are hard for me to own up to, because they're embarrassing.

But they're real.  I think it's a natural, human, sinful instinct to compare yourself to others and either pridefully believe you're better, or to become discontent and wish for something else/better.  That strips life of joy.  Joy is peace and contentment whatever one's circumstances might be.  My life is far too wonderful to even begin to wish for something else/better (for the record, I don't want something else/better when it comes to my husband... he simply is THE best. :) ).  If I spent less time wanting what I think is better, perhaps I'd be more satisfied with what I have, and therefore better able to serve Christ as a wife, teacher, and friend.  After all, God's Word tells us that godliness with contentment is great gain.

So I'm thinking I'm going to apply the wedding "lump" approach to life.  Take whatever I have and enjoy it for what it is, not what it isn't or what it could be, and laugh along the way.  God's in control and everything is as it should be anyway, so I may as well not fret and strive for something else.  I don't want to let comparison rob me of my joy in each moment that God gives me.

How about you?

xoxo, A