Childless at 29

When I have moments of forgetfulness and begin to panic because I'm not going to have a child in my twenties, I think things like this:

"I'm going to be an old mom. That sounds awful. I won't be able to do anything with my kids."
"What if my children suffer from birth defects because I'm old?"
"My body will be in even worse shape than in would normally after pregnancy because my skin will be old and not as elastic, and my metabolism will be slower."
"What if I wait too long and I just can't even have kids?"
"What if my parents aren't around long enough to see my children grow up, just because I've waited so long?"

...And other assorted gems. All of these things may very well be true. But the bottom line is that God is in control over when or even IF I have children, and His timing is perfect, just as it was in bringing me a husband late in the game (in my opinion, anyway).

But I do struggle. Many of my classmates from college have anywhere from one to three children, and here I am, all like, Can we just pay off our debt already and make enough money for me to quit working and have babies? I see young married couples exploding with baby-filled joy, and all I can think is, How the heck are you doing that? Just married and now a baby on the way? Must be nice to have the freedom to do that. Must be nice to not worry about being too old to have children. Must be nice to be able to afford to stay home. So then I compare and start to get jealous, and that's no good. I do wonder sometimes though, why God has chosen to not change anything about our lives so that having children would be feasible in the near future.  Still, I know the truth and I know how I should be thinking. It's just hard to not feel my chest grow tight and my eyes well up when yet another friend announces her pregnancy. I've always felt behind, and even after marriage I feel that way. I'm not trying to be insensitive-- I know many friends who are struggling with infertility, and those who aren't yet married and yearn to be and feel even farther behind. I think of your struggles too. We all have our unique struggles, and this is mine.

But on the flip side, some well-meaning friends post incessantly about their children, as if their personal lives have ceased to exist. Is that what happens with motherhood? When I see that kind of stuff, or I see how "tied down" (I know they wouldn't call it that, because they enjoy it and someday I will, too) they've become, a new kind of panic sets in and I'm suddenly very thankful that I'm childless. It's probably that I'm just really selfish, but I like being me, and I like when it's Mike and me, and I like traveling. I like popping over to the mall just because I can.

So what do I do to make myself feel better when I begin to feel panicked that I am still childless at 29? I remember all that I've gotten to do in my twenties. I finished college, went on a month-and-a-half long European backpacking trip with three girlfriends, took a chance and moved to Florida with Bestie, got to be roommates with Bestie, took road trips to Texas, Tallahassee, and Key West, lost 30 pounds, bought a new wardrobe, moved into my own apartment and decorated, learned how to cook and bake (and well!), developed my photography skills, visited Maine, Boston, Chicago, and New York, got involved politically, worked in the youth group, got engaged and married the love of my life, went to Israel, went on a Mediterranean cruise, and still yet will go to Wyoming. I have had many adventures. I enjoyed my single years and my early years with Mike. I have reveled in my independence. I have squeezed every last drop out of life.

What does that mean? It meas I'll have some pretty awesome stories to share with my kids someday, even if I'm old. And I won't regret anything, because I spent my youth on adventures. We're not guaranteed tomorrow, so I may never get any more travel opportunities like those. But I've made my memories and enjoyed my youth. The next part of my life will be parenthood (whenever that starts), and that has its own kind of adventures. Don't get me wrong- I don't think childless adventures are better than adventures with children. My dream job is to be a great wife and mom. But at the end of my life, it would have been a shame for me to look back and feel like I never did anything fun and free because I settled down so early. That's fine for some, but what I didn't realize soon enough was that apparently it's not fine for me. I needed (and I guess still need) my freedom now so that I can fully appreciate the blessings that "tie me down" later. So, if there any of you left out there who are still childless at 29, recall your adventures and be content. You've done a lot of living, and that's nothing to be sad about.

xoxo, A

30 Before 30

Today I turn 29. How could I be entering the last year of my twenties?! I remember so clearly turning 19 at college... ten years ago! I don't feel 29, if ages have a feeling. I never was able to stay up late or eat whatever I want and not gain weight, so nothing has changed! 

Just thinner eyebrows, thinner face, thinner hair... haha. 

Anyway, in August, one of my best friends created a "30 Before 30" list on her 29th birthday. These were 30 things she wants to accomplish before her 30th birthday. I liked that idea and wanted to create a list like that for myself. After this week, it seems even more appropriate. Mike's oldest sister passed away unexpectedly on Monday, at only 32 years old. I was reminded more than ever that we are not guaranteed tomorrow, and we should be numbering our days. While not all of the things on my list have eternal significance, I still felt that making goals so I don't waste my days would be an appropriate way to celebrate life, that fragile gift from God.

So here it is:

Amanda Arbia's 30 Before 30:
1. make homemade pasta
2. play Halo with Mike
3. turn my handwriting into a font
4. teach myself to use my new DSLR and editing program
5. create a family tree for any future offspring
6. find an awesome place I've never been
7. take a relaxing bath at least twice a month, but ideally once a week
8. take one photo a day
9. back up and organize all my photos
10. read Les Miserables
11. write and illustrate a children's book
12. write letters to loved ones
13. grow herbs and not kill them
14. finish wedding, Israel, and cruise scrapbooks
15. try a food I've never tried before
16. refinish the dresser myself
17. picnic with Mike and Lucia at Honeymoon Island
18. make something from Julia Child's cookbook
19. try a new and potentially drastic hairstyle
20. throw a themed party
21. finally get down to 150 lbs.
22. purge wardrobe
23. purchase classic wardrobe staples
24. cook the perfect steak
25. finish writing my Bible study on singleness
26. begin photography business
27. learn to style my hair without heat
28. go without dairy for two weeks
29. go without gluten for two weeks
30. para sail over the Gulf

Don't hate me for not putting a marathon goal up there. I just really hate running. And everyone suggests sky diving. You know what I say to that? "Heck no." I had to choose things that wouldn't be entirely dependent on money, either. At age 30, I'd like to look over my twenties with satisfaction. Already I think I can do that, but these things will help even more. More than anything, however, and impossible to really put onto a list like this, is that I want to be able to clearly see how God has grown me more into a godly woman over the years. I hope I will have more wisdom, holiness, and love for others by the time I hit 30, one year from today.

xoxo, A

Florida, I Love You, But You're Weird.

Florida is a really weird place. I love it and it's home now, but it is entirely unique. Florida is as Southeast as the United States gets, but it is a state that just can't be categorized as the South or the East. When I think of the South, I think of slow, well-fed (if you know what I mean), Baptist, and Republican. When I think of the East, I think formal, classy, upscale, and Democrat.

But Florida is none of those things, in my opinion; if it is any of those things, it's some kind of mish-mash.

I still remember when I interviewed for my job, almost exactly 6 years ago. I was eating dinner at Crispers with Bestie and a large group of people I'd never met. She was busy eating her future husband's soup (hee hee), and I was getting a geography lesson.

"Southern Florida is 'Little Cuba.' Northern Florida is 'Deep South.' Middle Florida is 'Cows.' Pinellas County is just normal."

That's really pretty accurate. I haven't spent much time in "Little Cuba," save for our "Last Hurrah" trip to Key West (which was totally awesome and everyone should go at some point in their lifetime). I also haven't spent much time in "Deep South," thank goodness, because the idea of people who still think they should have seceeded from the Union kind of frightens me. I haven't immersed myself too deeply into "Cows," either, but I've driven past them many times in my trips to Orlando, Ormond Beach, or Melbourne. I do know about Pinellas County, however, and it is this little scrap of normalcy, almost Northern-ness, smack in the middle of this awkward state. Almost everyone I meet has a connection to Chicago, Philedelphia, or New York. Those who were born and bred here have no real twang to their accents. They drive like maniacs, just like at home. Nobody is creepily nice like they are in maybe Georgia or Alabama. The only people who dress in beach wear 24/7 are the tourists. In fact, the only people who visit the beach more than a couple times a month (if that) are tourists. What a weird little Northern bubble stuck next to the Gulf of Mexico! Here are some more weird things about Florida, or at least where I live: the real estate is outrageous compared to most of the rest of the country; silkworms dangle off the trees in the spring; snowbirds. Enough said; the cold days feel colder than cold days up North; you can literally find any kind of food style you want in this area; there are no tornado sirens, yet frequent tornadoes; it's the lightning capitol of the WORLD.

But I think that's why I've found a home here. It feels normal in its weirdness. The only thing that would make me feel more at home would be snow and corrupt politicians.

xoxo, A

Roasted Shrimp Enchiladas with Cream Sauce

I spotted a recipe like this on Pinterest and immediately saw the potential for a WW-friendly recipe. I finally got around to making it tonight because we were going to have my brother-in-law over for dinner, and he's wild about shrimp. We had to reschedule with him, but I figured I'd test this recipe out anyway.

I made significant changes to the original recipe that I found here, but I'll bet the original is fantastic. We liked this meal a lot. It was a little involved to make and took about an hour or so, but I'm sure you could do some prep work to save time. I made this meal WW-friendly. As far as I can tell, using SparkRecipes' recipe calculator, these seem to be about 4 points an enchilada. The enchiladas were pretty spicy, but had great flavor. The cream sauce was great! Give it a try:

The shrimp:
12 oz. bag of medium shrimp, thawed, peeled, and deveined
1 Tbsp. olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Toss shrimp in the oil and salt and pepper. Place on a cookie tray and roast for about 6-8 minutes, until they are pink and firm. Let cool and then dice into bite-size pieces. I chopped them up pretty small. Reduce the oven to 375 degrees.

The filling:
1 Tbsp. olive oil
2 garlic cloves, minced 
3 slices of white onion, separated
1 carrot, peeled and grated (I used my peeler to make long peels of the carrot)
1/2 C. of sweet bell peppers, sliced thinly (I used those tiny peppers)
1 Tbsp. dried oregano
2 tsp. cayenne pepper
About 8 Whole wheat fajita tortillas
1 C. fat-free cheddar cheese

Heat the oil in a large skillet. Add garlic and onion and cook on medium heat, stirring so the garlic doesn't burn. Let the onions become translucent, about 5 minutes. Add the carrot and peppers, oregano and cayenne. Cook, stirring occasionally, about 2 minutes. Add the shrimp, tossing to combine. Remove from heat.

The sauce:
1 can green enchilada sauce
1/2 C. chicken stock
1/2 C. fat-free sour cream
(this will probably make more than you need)
Salt and pepper to taste
2 tsp. garlic powder

Set a saucepan on medium heat and add the enchilada sauce. Stir in the chicken stock and heat for about a minute, stirring. Stir in the sour cream and whisk until smooth. Stir as it heats. After a few minutes, add seasoning and remove from heat.

Place a spoonful of the filling on the tortilla and add a generous pinch of cheese. Roll up and place seam-side down in a baking dish that you have sprayed with cooking spray. Continue for the rest. Cover in a generous amount of sauce, but you will probably have some left over. Top with cheese. Bake for about 20 minutes, then turn on the broiler for about 3 minutes.

This will serve 4, if each person eats 2 enchiladas (8 WW points total. I don't know how many WW+. 10, maybe?). I served it with black beans and rice, which is really fantastic with the cream sauce. Delicious!

xoxo, A

Inspiration

Am I the only one who, when they think about an upcoming vacation, they get a sort of "feel" they know it will have and then plan out a wardrobe accordingly? I'm the only one? Okay... 
:(



Seriously though. I do that. For example: our Mediterranean cruise last summer. In my mind, it would be all water, wind, sun, and old-world-y, and the wardrobe I thought of would be breezy, loose, coral, aqua, and navy. I literally constructed a wardrobe out of all the coupons, gift cards, and thrifting that in my mind, encapsulated what our trip would be like.

Murano, Italy

Leaving Venice, Italy. Ignore Mike's creepy facial expression.

Somewhere on the Mediterranean.

It's really fun for me. It feels like a more productive and practical way of designing a line of clothing (which I've always wanted to do. Ask to see my notebooks full of designs sometime.

Anyway... we have a trip coming up this June. We're going to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We're going with my parents and brother, and I'm really excited because I've never been out that way before. We plan to go to Yellowstone and see Old Faithful, do some horseback riding, try fly fishing, and all that sort of stuff.  We are staying here.

And I'm thinking there should be a whole lot of chambray, worn denim, tribal/Native American prints, plaid, flannel, and olive-colored shorts, with awesome hiking boots. That's just what I'm feeling. Here's some of my inspiration:

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Are you feeling it too? If you want my whole inspiration board, check it out on Pinterest here.  

I know there's not much depth to this post. But hey. It's Saturday. :)

xoxo, A

Some Good Ol' Chicken

I got a beautiful Dutch oven for Christmas from my mom. I have been dreaming about lovely things to make in it. Today, I made its inaugural meal, and it didn't disappoint. I was inspired by "lemon rosemary chicken" by http://franziskasfood.wordpress.com, but I made it my own. It's easy and very tasty, but you have to have an hour to spare, because that's how long it took to cook in my oven. 

Here's what I used:
10 very small red potatoes (you could easily cut large ones in half)
1 lemon, halved
4 small shallots, peeled
dried rosemary, to taste. I probably used about 2 Tbsp.
tsp. chili powder
1/2 Tbsp honey
1 cup white wine
4 fresh chicken thighs, bone-in, with skin
kosher salt
fresh ground pepper
4 Tbsp. olive oil
juice of one lemon

Preheat your oven to 400 and after washing the dirt off the potatoes, put them in a pot and cover them with water. Set the burner to high heat and once the water is boiling, let them simmer for about 9 minutes. You don't want them really soft- you're just cooking them enough so they won't be hard after roasting.

If you have time to do this earlier, then marinate the chicken longer. I, however, had like, 10 minutes and it was fine. Combine olive oil, honey, chili powder, some salt and cracked pepper, and lemon juice and marinate the chicken thighs.

When you've drained the potatoes, place them on the bottom of the roasting tin (or in this case, the Dutch oven. I'll bet a roasting tin would make everything nice and crispy, but the oven worked well too!). Stick the lemon halves and shallots in with them, too. Add 1/2 of the rosemary. Pour the wine over the potatoes, and add some salt and cracked pepper.

Arrange the chicken thighs, skin-side up, on top of the potatoes. Cover with any residual marinade. Add the last of the rosemary. Cook for one hour in a Dutch oven (maybe 45 minutes in a roasting pan). Make sure the juice runs clear when you pierce the chicken.

Remove the skin from the chicken (healthier!) and serve with the potatoes, cut open. Spoon a little of the juice from the bottom of the pan onto the chicken and potatoes.

I found this recipe to be easy and very good. It was pretty healthy, too, as long as I didn't gobble up too much of the wine/oil juice. The original recipe called for thickening the juice with milk and cornstarch, but I felt I'd rather spend the calories elsewhere. There was an almost buttery taste, yet no butter was used. The wine flavor cooks out, of course, and the lemon/rosemary/shallots were not overpowering. Plus, it made my house smell amazing. Are there any other rosemary fans out there?!

This served Mike and me, with some potatoes left over that I couldn't eat. You could easily have added more potatoes and more thighs to fit in the Dutch oven and serve more people.  

Try this out soon! You won't be disappointed! Next time I might use my roasting pan!

xoxo, A

Ebenezers... Again.

I've written about ebenezers before. You know, the piles of stones the Israelites would erect as a testament of God's faithfulness? I'm a firm believer that recognizing and remembering ebenezers is something that grows  faith tremendously. Unless we choose to take notice of Gods faithfulness in our lives, we miss opportunities to change and grow.

I keep forgetting to do this- or to add to what I've started- but a great way to take notice is by writing little things that remind us of God's faithfulness on smooth stones (bought at Michael's), and then putting them in a tall glass vase. Then not only can you remove them and review God's faithfulness in your life, but just seeing the sheer number of stones will remind you, even in passing.

Something I'm more committed to is journaling. I don't do that as often as I should either, but every couple of weeks I like to write down ways that God has continued to show his faithfulness in my life.

Why do this? Because when hard times come and I feel alone and far from God? I can remind myself of what is true. God was faithful and good in the past. God is currently faithful and good. and God will continue to be faithful and good in the future.

I write this because recently, God met a need of ours in a very tangible way. A decreased paycheck, new car payment, and increased cost of insurance left us in a bad way for the month of January. But God knew, and God provided, and we want to always remember that God provides what we need, when we need it.

Then I had this thought: think about the joy we experience when God meets a physical need of ours. Now imagine our joy in eternity, when we fully realize the joy of God meeting our eternal spiritual needs! Won't that be incredible?!

So wherever you're at right now- whatever need you have at the moment- take a moment to review God's faithfulness in your life, and remember that God is faithful and good. He will meet your needs in the right way at just the right time.

xoxo, A

A Year and Some Change...

By "change," I mean a couple of weeks... not a major life change. Though I'll be honest. I think Mike and I are ready for a couple life changes: namely, a house and a baby. But we're waiting, which seems to be what we do in life, isn't it? Wait? That could be why my life verse (acquired while waiting for a husband) is Psalm 27:13-14.

But a couple weeks ago, Mike and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary. It's crazy to think an entire year has passed since we stood before our families, our friends, and the Lord and promised ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. What a precious day that was. In fact, it was my most favorite day ever. You can read about it here.
It's been a wild ride. We survived and enjoyed every holiday, every awful Monday, and lots of little struggles and joys in between. 

So for our anniversary, Mike got us a room at the same hotel where we spent our wedding night-- the Intercontinental, in Tampa. It's a great hotel, and we got a free upgrade to a junior suite. Let's just say that's a little better than our room on our wedding night-- it was an adjoining room with a loud gaggle of girls next door. Hahahaha! Not this time!

Glass elevators... we are easily amused.

This is an attempted panorama of much of our room. That black part in the middle is the partial wall between the living and bedroom area. The windows spanned the whole wall.

Because of our anniversary, we got a free buffet breakfast at Shula's, and they made my my very own special omelet. Why is Mike smiling so, you might ask? Because he spotted Frank from "American Pickers," also enjoying the buffet.  We were going to say hello after he finished eating, but a couple of people finally recognized him and we didn't want to be obnoxious. Instead, Mike made this face. What a cutie.

See? There he is. I know, I know-- you can't see his face. This is all Mike would let me do. He was chatting with the concierge. Nice guy.

We walked across the street to enjoy some shopping. And weird posing with gelato that was under par.

Mike also made a reservation at the same place we had our reception: Maggiano's-- also conveniently located across the street from the hotel. 

We may or may not have gorged ourselves on fried mozzarella, 4-cheese ravioli in a pesto cream sauce, and some kind of way-too-rich peanut butter chocolate dessert. This event in our anniversary weekend was very important, since Mike hasn't let me forget that at our reception, we didn't get to eat anything because we were either dancing or taking pictures. I argue that we did eat this ravioli... hours later, in our hotel room, without silverware, holding them like Hot Pockets.

Our waiter brought us something to toast with-- some non-alcoholic peach thing, which was fantastic!

And now my favorite part: on the left, you have a piece of our wedding cake, preserved carefully by my mom, and kept in our freezer for a year. You know, it wasn't bad! Way to go, Publix! In the back are the toasting glasses my mother-in-law gave us. Then there's our toasting beverage of choice: sparkling white grape juice. I promise, we're both over 21. We just don't like the taste of alcohol! Under that is one of our anniversary presents to the other. Guess who this one is from? Instead of buying gifts, we decided that every year we would write each other a letter. I think that's a tradition I'll really enjoy.

On the day we had to leave, we wept. Not really, but boy was it nice to not have any responsibilities for a couple days! This was our sit and veg until late checkout day.

Our final meal: Chipotle. Can you think of any better way to end a fantastic anniversary weekend? I think not.

On year down, 50+ to go. Hahaha. But really, I'm so thankful to be married to Mike. He's my best friend and it's been a privilege to stand by his side, serve him, and watch him grow. I'll enjoy every year I get with him.  

xoxo, A

What I Should Have Said...

I previously wrote a post venting my frustration with "kids these days." While I am indeed frustrated, I want to make it clear that I think the reason I am so frustrated is because I care for these kids. I care for them and I want to see them succeed and become caring, intelligent, valuable members of society. They all have so much potential, and it saddens me when I see them fall short of that.

But I'm sure I sadden my Creator when I fall short of the goal, too. Like when I vent just a little too much.

I was also angry, because my mom had cancer, and my youth pastor died of cancer, so it's very personal to me. I recognize it simply isn't a reality in many of these kids' lives, and while I can pray for empathy and caring, I can't force them to care; it's not fair to expect them to understand something they haven't experienced themselves.

And I still say there are many kids who are a daily joy. But regarding the others, even if I'm disappointed in the choices they make, it doesn't mean I don't love them. It doesn't mean there aren't parents at home trying. It doesn't mean we teachers aren't working our butts off to help them, and it doesn't mean they will always make poor decisions.

I allowed momentary anger and frustration to say more than I should have, so to set the record straight: I love my students. They might not believe me, because I give them homework, but honestly. I wouldn't still be teaching at a Christian school if my motives were ever anything other than hoping to train kids to become godly, intelligent, and successful young adults. Even the ones who sometimes or lots of times make poor decisions. Every day is a new day, and an opportunity for them to grow and for me to grow too.

I apologize if my earlier rant offended any. I've always struggled with both my temper and control over my words. I pray that with time, I will have more successes than failures with that, and I pray the same for my students.

xoxo, A

Food Review!

I did a WHOLE lot of cooking on and around Christmas, and oh, do I ever have some recipes to share with you!  I planned a lot of this out, time-wise, and it paid off.  I had everything ready in just the right time, and never felt rushed or stressed.  Even a small oven fire did not tarnish these delightful dishes!  Here are my favorites from the Christmas season, all homemade(click on the title for a link to the recipe):

Beatty's chocolate cake: I don't know who Beatty is, so don't ask.  I made this especially for my father-in-law, who is a chocolate fiend.  I wanted something rich but not ganache-y, if that makes sense.  Leave it to Ina Garten to come up with the perfect chocolate cake.  The cake was perfect and I couldn't taste the coffee (thank goodness), and it had a depth to it that the boxed stuff just doesn't have.  I wasn't a huge fan of the frosting, but I don't like frosting anyway unless it's cream cheese... wait a minute... I have an idea...

Pumpkin cheesecake: this was my favorite.  I used crushed Biscoff cookies for the crust, which actually made a big difference.  I may have forgotten to put a pan under the springform, resulting in spillage that may or may not have caused the aforementioned small oven fire.  This came out perfectly, and didn't even split on top until I put it in the fridge. :(  I should have let it get to room temp. first, though I kept it in the cooled oven for two hours!!  It was smooth, creamy, dense but not too dense, and flavorful!  My mom loved it, and even my husband, who's not a huge cheesecake fan, told me mine was better than The Lucky Dill's!

Breakfast boats: these were remarkably easy, and extremely tasty.  Plus, they make a good appeance.  I bought small demi-baguettes at Target, and that worked well, but you could probably make your own long loaf of artisan bread and it would be even cheaper.  I made the filling in advance and just stirred it up before putting it into the bread and baking.

Cinnabon cinnamon rolls: I had never made cinnamon rolls from scratch before.  Ever.  I was scared.  And skeptical (because Pillsbury claims to taste like Cinnabon, but let's be real.  THEY DON'T).  Skeptical and scared, was I.  But I attempted them, and while messy, they were quite honestly, the real deal.  Maybe it was the cream cheese icing, maybe it was the buns-- I don't know and I don't care, because now I can make Cinnabon cinnamon rolls at home!  I made them the day before I baked them, and the insides kind of leaked out a little.  It was still good though.  I did make the mistake of placing them too closely in the pan, however, and the middle ones didn't cook (I had to finish them in the microwave... still good!).  Next time I'll leave an inch or so around each one.

Buttermilk Blackberry cake: OK, I cheated-- this wasn't during Christmastime.  I made this last night.  But it's so good, I had to share.  I had leftover buttermilk from my Christmas baking, and I happened to buy blackberries (my favorite berry) on sale at Aldi.  So I did a Pinterest search and found a recipe for this cake.  I had no idea how it would turn out, but it was fantastic!  It was buttery, and the edges were glorious.  I baked mine 10 minutes longer than the recipe called for, and also used some corn starch with my flour to make it more like pastry flour, but it turned out spectacular. 

xoxo, A