3.29.2012

Thoughts for Thursday: You Won't Miss Him.

I don't want to mislead anyone; I know the title of this blog sounds like a potential Kelly Clarkson song about yet another relationship down the tubes.

But that's not what this post is about.  This post is about the fact that, despite what the single woman's heart secretly sometimes believes, you will not miss the one God has for you.

This goes out to you single women.  I was in your shoes for a long time, and not so long ago.  So don't roll your eyes, thinking Oh sure, it's easy for you to talk about singleness now that you're married.  I remember my singleness clearly-- the pain, the waiting, the trusting.

I don't know when I realized this truth, but it was sometime before I started dating Hband.  My whole adult life I had been waiting for the man God had for me.  Waiting, trusting, doubting, trusting... a never-ending cycle for 26 years.  Suddenly it made sense to me: if I was in God's will (and I believed I was-- I was following him, trying to obey), and I believed God was sovereign and had a plan (which I did), then I would not and could not possibly miss the right man.

I wouldn't turn the wrong corner and never run into him.  I wouldn't lose him to some other woman.  I wouldn't look too ugly for him to want me.  Those things just wouldn't happen.  There was nothing I could do to mess up what God had planned.

Because if I believed in God's sovereignty and faithfulness, I knew that nothing would thwart his perfect plan.  At the right time, in the right place, and in the right way, I would meet my future husband.

You can't imagine the peace that gave me.  It was all off my shoulders!  I didn't have to spend hours making sure I looked "perfect."  I didn't have to worry about those last ten pounds I couldn't shed.  I didn't have to fret about putting myself out there.  It was all in God's hands (where it belongs), and I only had the responsibility to be faithful to obey God and trust him.  The rest will fall in line.

I won't say that that realization is what caused me to start dating Hband.  I don't believe in those "if/then" mystical scenarios.  Nothing that I could do would propel God's plan into action, as if he was waiting for me.  but I do know that once I relaxed and allowed myself to trust God, my singleness didn't worry me nearly as much.

And before I knew it, suddenly a ministry acquaintance became a flirty friend, and that flirty friend became a boyfriend.  That boyfriend became my fiance, and that fiance became my husband.  And it was all exactly as God designed, in his perfect time and in the perfect way.  It was better than I could have imagined.  I still don't understand his timing.  Why then?  Why that way?  But I don't need to understand his timing.

I hope that you will trust in God's timing and leave your singleness in his hands.  Please relax and know that you'll never mess up God's plan and miss the one he has for you.  Allow yourself to enjoy your singleness.  I was able to recognize that it was a blessing-- a chance to be independent and free to do as I pleased: travel, spend time with others, focus on a career, and most importantly, devote myself to ministry.  I truly hope you'll see it as a blessing too.

Meanwhile, I now apply this to having children.  I don't want any now, or anytime soon (sorry Mom), but in the back of my mind, I worry about my age.  I always wanted to be pregnant in my twenties, and done having babies in my early thirties.  Then again, I used to want to get married at 22, and I'm SO glad that didn't happen.  So now I'm learning that I won't mess up my children or my body because I'm older when I have kids.  It will be exactly when and how God wants it.  I can relax, knowing that when the time is right, it will happen (please Lord, let it not be for a while... a long while!), and my children will only have problems if God wants them to have problems.

It's funny how even though we move on to the next life event, the things we struggle with and learn tend to stay the same.  But that's the beauty of it-- what we learn in the past will help us in the future.  And here's to that big, bright, beautiful future. :)

xoxo, A